So... My anxiety just spiked up sooooo high, minutes ago. I'm back home at my parent's house in a suburban area. Quiet place, nice neighbors, everything fine behind closed doors. It seems. I noticed we had a new neighbor move in a month ago.
I was in my room working and it's right by one of my neighbors house. I heard someone yelling at first, but wasn't sure if it was kids playing or not. All of a sudden, it got serious. I heard a woman screaming "Please Help Me!" and I went into freak mode. I was wondering if any of my other neighbors were around. I was terrified to step outside. I didn't want to sit and do nothing, so I grabbed the phone. I tried listening in some more to see what was going on. It seemed like a domestic violence situation. I called 911 and I explained to them what I heard and how startled I was. I think they already received calls, because they seem to know where I was located and asked if the house/neighbor was to the east or west of me. I told them it was right by me, towards the east. Within minutes a cop car came by. Then an ambulance and another cop car. I saw the neighbor across the street from me outside of his house with a phone. Then I finally stepped out to see which neighbor was in harm's way. It was the neighbor across the street to the right of me, the new neighbors that moved in.
I called up a friend to help calm my nerves down and he told me how he saw cop cars earlier in the morning near my place. Sooo... I think there was earlier problems and it somehow escalated towards today's event. I'm freaked out still, but wtf? I just hope I helped out as much as I could. I keep thinking, should I have gone outside to see what was going on? If there was a person out there, was I to act as a hero? All that ran into my head, but first thing I knew I had to do was call the authorities.
What a day. I still don't know how everything has turned out, but I hope everyone or anyone harmed is doing okay.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Good as Gold
Now that things have settled and I'm trying to get myself in motion again... I'm recalling moments from my San Francisco trip and seeing how obscure my own self-perception can be. That can be attributed to being confined to my own thoughts and having no one to converse with for long periods of time
If I haven't mentioned already in previous entries, I went to San Francisco for a wedding, which I was a groomsmen in. My friend Randy, another groomsmen, and I decided to make the most out of the wedding and decided to arrive a few days early and do the whole sight seeing thing.
During our stay, we had a candid one-on-one conversation in our rental car, searching for a decent restaurant to relieve our hangover. He was talking about how he doesn't really enjoy being a third-wheel with one of our friends, even though they're fun to hangout with, and he also expressed how annoying it can be when all he hears is "yah man... make us proud, make sure you come back to the hotel with someone after the wedding".
I hear him. I get it, but he also puts himself in that position by joking and responding back in that demeanor. I saw that it was sort of turning into a pity party and so I wanted to point out certain things about it or about him. I told him how it's weird how he perceives me and what the image he projects onto me, because I felt quite the opposite. I told him that, maybe I'm fit, maybe I'm skinnier than what I use to be, but my insecurities and self-doubt are outstanding. I explained to him he has such a great personality. How he's able to bounce around and get into any conversation. I told him how, if I had an ounce of his social demeanor, that I would be gold. Then he, in turn, gave me his opinions on myself. He told me how my quietness or shyness in large groups is a good thing. He told me I shouldn't change a thing and that the real thing about me is that... When I do allow people (girls) to get to know me in a one-on-one setting, that it's like finding a treasure. He then admitted that he know's his fault and that basically it's himself that puts up walls.
So... I thought about it. We all do. More than anything, it's ourselves that limit our potential. We might say or give ourselves affirmation, but we still hold onto a piece of thought that "we aren't good enough". It's the breaking of that wall that I, we, need to do.
It's weird that I'm thinking about that situation now. The SF trip was nearly two weeks ago, but like I said... with the dust settling and finally getting myself into a routine/schedule of my pace... I'm able to reflect kindly and take more meaning from the event than when I was actually in it.
Here's to good friends. I hope my friend Randy realizes that he's as much "gold" as he thinks I am and vise versa.
If I haven't mentioned already in previous entries, I went to San Francisco for a wedding, which I was a groomsmen in. My friend Randy, another groomsmen, and I decided to make the most out of the wedding and decided to arrive a few days early and do the whole sight seeing thing.
During our stay, we had a candid one-on-one conversation in our rental car, searching for a decent restaurant to relieve our hangover. He was talking about how he doesn't really enjoy being a third-wheel with one of our friends, even though they're fun to hangout with, and he also expressed how annoying it can be when all he hears is "yah man... make us proud, make sure you come back to the hotel with someone after the wedding".
I hear him. I get it, but he also puts himself in that position by joking and responding back in that demeanor. I saw that it was sort of turning into a pity party and so I wanted to point out certain things about it or about him. I told him how it's weird how he perceives me and what the image he projects onto me, because I felt quite the opposite. I told him that, maybe I'm fit, maybe I'm skinnier than what I use to be, but my insecurities and self-doubt are outstanding. I explained to him he has such a great personality. How he's able to bounce around and get into any conversation. I told him how, if I had an ounce of his social demeanor, that I would be gold. Then he, in turn, gave me his opinions on myself. He told me how my quietness or shyness in large groups is a good thing. He told me I shouldn't change a thing and that the real thing about me is that... When I do allow people (girls) to get to know me in a one-on-one setting, that it's like finding a treasure. He then admitted that he know's his fault and that basically it's himself that puts up walls.
So... I thought about it. We all do. More than anything, it's ourselves that limit our potential. We might say or give ourselves affirmation, but we still hold onto a piece of thought that "we aren't good enough". It's the breaking of that wall that I, we, need to do.
It's weird that I'm thinking about that situation now. The SF trip was nearly two weeks ago, but like I said... with the dust settling and finally getting myself into a routine/schedule of my pace... I'm able to reflect kindly and take more meaning from the event than when I was actually in it.
Here's to good friends. I hope my friend Randy realizes that he's as much "gold" as he thinks I am and vise versa.
Today's Update
I thought I had a good start on the day, but it's gradually going to sh*ts man unless I proactively do something about it. That's where this writing comes into play. After trying to balance my unhealthy eating (as always) with decent and clean food (salads, non-fried, and non-fast foods), I had a late night 2-hour workout in the garage, where it created a 90 degree sauna on top of everything. It was a great workout and a much needed sweat. However, I semi-sabotaged the workout by eating some unhealthy things before going to bed.
Upon waking up this morning, I thought I'd declare a "fruit" day where I end up eating fruits (strawberries, applies, and oranges) throughout the day until dinner. That lasted up until.... hmmmm, lets say 11 am. I ended up cooking eggs, turkey bacon, and rice noodles. Shortly after that, I ended up indulging in "lunch" by having left over salad and a home cooked filipino dish. Then all went to sh*ts as I was trying to work out my magic or my differences on this pro-bono (meaning... non-paid) web design. I don't know what I got myself into. I offered someone, who is in this running social network I'm in, my design ideas. However, it ended up turning into "can you produce my website". In which I can't say no, but at the same time... I can't really do anything to her website, because she has it being published under a certain blog/content system (think wordpress, blogger, joomla). She gave me login and password access, but this is only to edit articles and change some minor layouts here and there. I don't really want to do all the work for something I don't feel passionate about.... so that's when my eating habits went to sh*t. While working out my differences with the website, I opted or looked for distractions. I reached for the small-sized snicker candy bars, the tub of vanilla ice cream, and luckily that's the extent of the damage so far. I'm due for a caffeine fix in half an hour and I hope I stay on course with a long workout. I need to sweat out my deamons. Maybe focus on small cardio and extended breathing, stretching, and meditating exercises tonight... oh and all in my garage like sauna. Did I say how unbearable the hot weather is over here? But... I'll look at it as therapeautic. When you're in the heat, in a rut, in the sh*ts (sorry I keep using that word, but it's lodged in my head at the moment)... once you step inside the house, you appreciate it even more.
Okay... End Of Rant!
Upon waking up this morning, I thought I'd declare a "fruit" day where I end up eating fruits (strawberries, applies, and oranges) throughout the day until dinner. That lasted up until.... hmmmm, lets say 11 am. I ended up cooking eggs, turkey bacon, and rice noodles. Shortly after that, I ended up indulging in "lunch" by having left over salad and a home cooked filipino dish. Then all went to sh*ts as I was trying to work out my magic or my differences on this pro-bono (meaning... non-paid) web design. I don't know what I got myself into. I offered someone, who is in this running social network I'm in, my design ideas. However, it ended up turning into "can you produce my website". In which I can't say no, but at the same time... I can't really do anything to her website, because she has it being published under a certain blog/content system (think wordpress, blogger, joomla). She gave me login and password access, but this is only to edit articles and change some minor layouts here and there. I don't really want to do all the work for something I don't feel passionate about.... so that's when my eating habits went to sh*t. While working out my differences with the website, I opted or looked for distractions. I reached for the small-sized snicker candy bars, the tub of vanilla ice cream, and luckily that's the extent of the damage so far. I'm due for a caffeine fix in half an hour and I hope I stay on course with a long workout. I need to sweat out my deamons. Maybe focus on small cardio and extended breathing, stretching, and meditating exercises tonight... oh and all in my garage like sauna. Did I say how unbearable the hot weather is over here? But... I'll look at it as therapeautic. When you're in the heat, in a rut, in the sh*ts (sorry I keep using that word, but it's lodged in my head at the moment)... once you step inside the house, you appreciate it even more.
Okay... End Of Rant!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Getting Things Going (Summer 2011)
Setting up Goals is a great, if not the only, way to keep motivated. However, It's hard to stay motivated once you've hit a plateau, taken a hiatus, attained the goal or a combination of all mentioned. I'm back on the "restarting" phase of trying to keep motivated. Just as I was last time when I visited back home and stayed for a month or so, I'm back at home (my parent's house) trying to find purpose or motivation. The only thing different is the unbearable hot weather and the factor it plays on my unresponsive, unmotivated, and unproductive demeanor. I'm sort of on a lull with my work. I'm waiting for this massive pile of work from my client and I'm waiting for more info on another smaller paying project. In the meantime, I have pro bono projects I could be doing (and I should be doing) but have no motivation to do so. I've been trying to get inspired, which proves to be difficult. I have read a few more articles this week (involving workspace, art & design, and designers) than I have in recent months. That might sound accomplished, but reading 5 articles vs zilch isn't a big stretch. I've gotten lazy, but I saw it coming. No need to get stressed, frustrated, and upset about it. I have anticipated this moment, but it's always a b*tch to get things restarted/started/going.
Brief Timeline of Past Events
Late April/Early May I arrived at my parent's house to figure things out. I was going through another round of a quarter-life crisis. I hated feeling trapped in my apartment, working and living space intertwined. I was seeking new opportunities, in which there were a couple. I met with a company near my hometown and had ongoing projects with a company/client. I was (and still am) freaked out about turning 30 this year and haunted by the fact that I'm still single. All that came to pass as I got going. I started to write as a way to vent. I finally got a workout routine going. I bought a punching bag, jumped rope, and did my usual 4 mile run. I got myself in decent physical and mental shape during my time here. I had to travel back to my apartment for an upcoming bachelors weekend party, followed by a wedding two weeks after that. When arriving back at the apartment, I had my trials and error of feeling trapped, cramped, and frustrated. I was able to let go of my frustrations and felt free again. I was eating healthy, working out regularly, and enjoyed a weekend outside of California. Had dinner with the married couple to be along with 3 other pairs of "friends of a friend". I was the only single guy, but that didn't bother me. The week after that, I had a nice long stay in San Francisco. My days were always planned with things to do. I had one day of sight seeing, the other days were filled with errands we had to do for the wedding. We also met up with the married couple to be for lunch and dinner a few times during the week. Once the wedding happened and everything unfolded and dissipated... I think that's when reality set in. It's like those snow globes. You're inside living in it and someone shakes it violently. You're lost in the chaos, just waiting for the snow to settle. I had no motivation, no purpose, no goals to attain. Yes, I have bigger goals I would like to achieve, but they're accomplished by setting smaller goals in residing order. That's where I've been stuck. Not having the motivation to figure things out, to create smaller goals, or to look at the big picture. I've been letting the dust settle and hoping that a change of scenery will do it's trick to spark something.
What I've learned? You just have to do it. Whatever "it" is, you have to do something in order to keep things going. The start of this writing/entry... I had no idea or clear cut direction of where I would take it. I wasn't seeking to find "direction", but it's certainly given insight in my reflections on past events. What do I want to gain from this? What is "this"? What is it that I want to do?
Well those are all uncertain questions that have uncertain answers. I know that I do need to focus on my work/career again. I know I'd like to work on being more creative. I'd like to work on being "inspired". I'm always seeking to be fit. For awhile, I started to see some muscle definition and fat loss, but I'm letting that slip away if I continue to indulge in sh*t food and inactivity.
Let's say I know the answers to these questions... The problem or solution lies in the preparation, work, and willingness to do so... Lord have mercy (not that I'm a religious person or anything), let's get sh*t going again.
Brief Timeline of Past Events
Late April/Early May I arrived at my parent's house to figure things out. I was going through another round of a quarter-life crisis. I hated feeling trapped in my apartment, working and living space intertwined. I was seeking new opportunities, in which there were a couple. I met with a company near my hometown and had ongoing projects with a company/client. I was (and still am) freaked out about turning 30 this year and haunted by the fact that I'm still single. All that came to pass as I got going. I started to write as a way to vent. I finally got a workout routine going. I bought a punching bag, jumped rope, and did my usual 4 mile run. I got myself in decent physical and mental shape during my time here. I had to travel back to my apartment for an upcoming bachelors weekend party, followed by a wedding two weeks after that. When arriving back at the apartment, I had my trials and error of feeling trapped, cramped, and frustrated. I was able to let go of my frustrations and felt free again. I was eating healthy, working out regularly, and enjoyed a weekend outside of California. Had dinner with the married couple to be along with 3 other pairs of "friends of a friend". I was the only single guy, but that didn't bother me. The week after that, I had a nice long stay in San Francisco. My days were always planned with things to do. I had one day of sight seeing, the other days were filled with errands we had to do for the wedding. We also met up with the married couple to be for lunch and dinner a few times during the week. Once the wedding happened and everything unfolded and dissipated... I think that's when reality set in. It's like those snow globes. You're inside living in it and someone shakes it violently. You're lost in the chaos, just waiting for the snow to settle. I had no motivation, no purpose, no goals to attain. Yes, I have bigger goals I would like to achieve, but they're accomplished by setting smaller goals in residing order. That's where I've been stuck. Not having the motivation to figure things out, to create smaller goals, or to look at the big picture. I've been letting the dust settle and hoping that a change of scenery will do it's trick to spark something.
What I've learned? You just have to do it. Whatever "it" is, you have to do something in order to keep things going. The start of this writing/entry... I had no idea or clear cut direction of where I would take it. I wasn't seeking to find "direction", but it's certainly given insight in my reflections on past events. What do I want to gain from this? What is "this"? What is it that I want to do?
Well those are all uncertain questions that have uncertain answers. I know that I do need to focus on my work/career again. I know I'd like to work on being more creative. I'd like to work on being "inspired". I'm always seeking to be fit. For awhile, I started to see some muscle definition and fat loss, but I'm letting that slip away if I continue to indulge in sh*t food and inactivity.
Let's say I know the answers to these questions... The problem or solution lies in the preparation, work, and willingness to do so... Lord have mercy (not that I'm a religious person or anything), let's get sh*t going again.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Lazy Thoughts
I'm having a hard time today. Actually, I'm having such a hard week. Maybe using the word "hard" is a bit exaggerated, but I'm really struggling. I figured that I would feel a bit of a depressed state of mind after having a week of chaotic-busy-socially-exhaustingly-great-fun. That's what usually happens. You're engulfed in a world of crazy, busy, activeness... then you're spit out for the dust to settle.
I tried to be active as I can. I got my appetite back. I went walking, running, taking the dog out at least 3 or 4 times this week. However, the problem or situation happens at night and carries into the morning and eventually my day. I go to sleep feeling I have no purpose. I wake up without having any purpose and throughout the day I'm wondering what my purpose is. Maybe I need to figure out what I need to do (work-wise). Throw in a revamped workout schedule and clean up my diet and all things will be okay again.
I lack motivation. I lack action. I'm filled with void. Back in the day, good music would probably cheer me up quickly. Possibly a nice long run would change my thinking. Nowadays, it takes longer for my mind and body to sync up. It takes me longer to warm up and to get going.
After trying to start or warm myself up this entire week... I think I'm ready to get in the driver seat and get this thing going. I'm going to try and go for a run this morning. I won't bother with any work, because I haven't received any word yet from my clients. Maybe I'll email them to touch base with them. I'm going out for lunch today. I'll be driving into another city and meet up with a friend (ex-coworker) to catch up on things.
Hopefully today will be a game changer. If not, I'll keep trying.
I tried to be active as I can. I got my appetite back. I went walking, running, taking the dog out at least 3 or 4 times this week. However, the problem or situation happens at night and carries into the morning and eventually my day. I go to sleep feeling I have no purpose. I wake up without having any purpose and throughout the day I'm wondering what my purpose is. Maybe I need to figure out what I need to do (work-wise). Throw in a revamped workout schedule and clean up my diet and all things will be okay again.
I lack motivation. I lack action. I'm filled with void. Back in the day, good music would probably cheer me up quickly. Possibly a nice long run would change my thinking. Nowadays, it takes longer for my mind and body to sync up. It takes me longer to warm up and to get going.
After trying to start or warm myself up this entire week... I think I'm ready to get in the driver seat and get this thing going. I'm going to try and go for a run this morning. I won't bother with any work, because I haven't received any word yet from my clients. Maybe I'll email them to touch base with them. I'm going out for lunch today. I'll be driving into another city and meet up with a friend (ex-coworker) to catch up on things.
Hopefully today will be a game changer. If not, I'll keep trying.
Monday, June 13, 2011
A Quick San Fran Recap
It's my last night here in the city of the Bay. I've experienced the whole downtown area, the BART, the parking, traffic, hills, bums, a wedding, and the usual panic and anxieties (whether it's social or not).
I'll say that I had a brief panic attack on my flight to SF. I started to break sweat after getting through the metal detectors and x-ray scan of my luggage. While waiting for my friend as he was talking to one of his buddies working, I started to break sweat.
After feeling like an ant blinded by the bright lights of the city, I had a wide array of experiences here in San Francisco. During the wedding, I felt it coming. My body temperature was rising. I felt the heat from the lamps above the church floor. The flash of the camera's made me conscious. It happened. I broke sweat at the alter and regained my composure after being seated.
Let me just say... Things turned out great. Ended with a drunk reception party, a great breakfast for a hangover and a better lunch/dinner that cured my hangover. Ending this adventure with Positivity.
I'll say that I had a brief panic attack on my flight to SF. I started to break sweat after getting through the metal detectors and x-ray scan of my luggage. While waiting for my friend as he was talking to one of his buddies working, I started to break sweat.
After feeling like an ant blinded by the bright lights of the city, I had a wide array of experiences here in San Francisco. During the wedding, I felt it coming. My body temperature was rising. I felt the heat from the lamps above the church floor. The flash of the camera's made me conscious. It happened. I broke sweat at the alter and regained my composure after being seated.
Let me just say... Things turned out great. Ended with a drunk reception party, a great breakfast for a hangover and a better lunch/dinner that cured my hangover. Ending this adventure with Positivity.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Reflecting On Another Week
Earlier this week, I came back from a weekend getaway in Las Vegas for my friend's Bachelor's Party weekend. When I arrived back home, I couldn't shake off the feeling of irritation and being somewhat hostile. I don't act out my aggression and I can recognize that I'm a bit passive aggressive. I tend to do things indirectly to point out that I'm not happy. Whether it's being short with answers or putting up a wall and closing a healthy line of communication. I think from past experience, I don't like making a scene and I don't like making things publicly awkward (meaning, I keep a lot of things inside and built up). I avoid confrontation, which I know can blow up in my face. I also try to avoid saying anything, (probably because I hate the attention I get when I talk), because it's likely over something stupid. The main reason I was upset, which I kept running in my head, was due to trash. I just started to feel like I was the only one doing the daily chores and because I work from home that I can easily do the small chores around the apartment. The more I looked at it, it had to do a lot with being cramped and trapped inside my room. When I say trapped, I mean I tend to trap my self. I work an entire day in my room and I only go out to walk the dog or for my daily jog. I hardly spend time in the living room area and I've been eating in my room a lot lately.
All of this came to an end late in the week, which I'm glad it did. I made a video blog about my frustrations and most of my irritated and aggravated state was lifted. I felt more at ease that I expressed myself, even if it was through a different venue, and I allowed myself to remove the wall and be more open to small talk. I ended up making small talk and had a conversation with my brother in law. I was more attentive towards my sister when I would talk to her. I just feel better as a whole. I think trapping myself in my room can be bad and I'm glad I got myself out of that funk.
Also, I've been working on my friend's (the couple getting married) wedding slideshow. I am actually happy with what I've produced so far. They love it as well. The music and photo transitions really work well with each other. I've been presenting them with video preview links and taking in all there request and fitting it into what I've created. Just yesterday, I met up with the soon to be married couple along with the groom's (he's been a friend since college) friend's (all married and have kids already). I noticed the small things, like the wife to be is still the same. Always angry or irritated and in need of a way to vent. Nothing's change and I think everyone going to the wedding is looking forward to the wedding other then the wife to be. It's a weird dynamic and I really think the wife to be will be miserable no matter what until she works on herself. My friend is a good guy and he willingly takes all the blame, aggression, and negative remarks from her. I don't get it, but he does and he loves her. She see's it, but can't help it. Fast forward to this morning… I received a txt message from her and it said "Don't worry about the slideshow anymore, the wedding is off!"
It sounds typical and in a way… I think she wanted me to get involved and talk her down the ledge. I don't know what to say or what to do. I haven't even messaged my friend yet about it. I only messaged my friend's friend to find out if anything happened after our outing. Apparently, she was upset or allowed things to build up and her frustrations against my friend got out of hand. True, after the dinner the girls were suppose to go out and hang out together. However, they stayed at a friends.. drank wine… and had the kids, while the guys took my friend out for another hoorah of drinks (which apparently were at another gentlemen's club). Nothing crazy, it was really just more about drinking and bullsh*tting with the fellas.
From what I heard, she was fed up with him not helping out with the wedding. Also with him not helping with daily chores or daily things. His side of the guest list was unorganized. I know from first hand how stressful wedding planning is. I know the aggravation and the horrible angry feelings it brings out in a person. So.. yes I can see where she's coming from and she's right. But on the other hand, that's just how my friend is and that's how he's always been. She's been with him for how long and has he ever changed his demeanor? Not only that, if he does help out or is more hands-on… that leaves him to be criticized and she'll still be upset at him for not doing things right.
Sooo.. I really don't know if the wedding is really off or not. I think everyone going, including myself, believes things will blow over and things will continue as planned. I really hope its still happening, because I have plane tickets and hotel reservations already planned. I fly out Wednesday and I'm waiting for an official phone call rather than a text message and FaceBook status update.
Here's to marriage and the happiness it brings.
Peace & Love,
Mr Shy & Timid
All of this came to an end late in the week, which I'm glad it did. I made a video blog about my frustrations and most of my irritated and aggravated state was lifted. I felt more at ease that I expressed myself, even if it was through a different venue, and I allowed myself to remove the wall and be more open to small talk. I ended up making small talk and had a conversation with my brother in law. I was more attentive towards my sister when I would talk to her. I just feel better as a whole. I think trapping myself in my room can be bad and I'm glad I got myself out of that funk.
Also, I've been working on my friend's (the couple getting married) wedding slideshow. I am actually happy with what I've produced so far. They love it as well. The music and photo transitions really work well with each other. I've been presenting them with video preview links and taking in all there request and fitting it into what I've created. Just yesterday, I met up with the soon to be married couple along with the groom's (he's been a friend since college) friend's (all married and have kids already). I noticed the small things, like the wife to be is still the same. Always angry or irritated and in need of a way to vent. Nothing's change and I think everyone going to the wedding is looking forward to the wedding other then the wife to be. It's a weird dynamic and I really think the wife to be will be miserable no matter what until she works on herself. My friend is a good guy and he willingly takes all the blame, aggression, and negative remarks from her. I don't get it, but he does and he loves her. She see's it, but can't help it. Fast forward to this morning… I received a txt message from her and it said "Don't worry about the slideshow anymore, the wedding is off!"
It sounds typical and in a way… I think she wanted me to get involved and talk her down the ledge. I don't know what to say or what to do. I haven't even messaged my friend yet about it. I only messaged my friend's friend to find out if anything happened after our outing. Apparently, she was upset or allowed things to build up and her frustrations against my friend got out of hand. True, after the dinner the girls were suppose to go out and hang out together. However, they stayed at a friends.. drank wine… and had the kids, while the guys took my friend out for another hoorah of drinks (which apparently were at another gentlemen's club). Nothing crazy, it was really just more about drinking and bullsh*tting with the fellas.
From what I heard, she was fed up with him not helping out with the wedding. Also with him not helping with daily chores or daily things. His side of the guest list was unorganized. I know from first hand how stressful wedding planning is. I know the aggravation and the horrible angry feelings it brings out in a person. So.. yes I can see where she's coming from and she's right. But on the other hand, that's just how my friend is and that's how he's always been. She's been with him for how long and has he ever changed his demeanor? Not only that, if he does help out or is more hands-on… that leaves him to be criticized and she'll still be upset at him for not doing things right.
Sooo.. I really don't know if the wedding is really off or not. I think everyone going, including myself, believes things will blow over and things will continue as planned. I really hope its still happening, because I have plane tickets and hotel reservations already planned. I fly out Wednesday and I'm waiting for an official phone call rather than a text message and FaceBook status update.
Here's to marriage and the happiness it brings.
Peace & Love,
Mr Shy & Timid
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Bachelor's Weekend
This past weekend was spent at a Bachelor's Party, that lasted from Friday Night to Sunday Noon, for my friend (college and post-college). Prior to this event, I held onto a certain amount of stress and anxiety. As the days got closer and the more I talked with some of the guys in the group that were going, I felt a bit more at calm. At first I was convincing myself that I would have a bad time, because a friend of a friend (who I remember having an awkward moment with a few years ago) would be going. I was afraid I'd have to be in the same hotel room as him or on the same car ride.
I think preparation, planning ahead, and leaving room for flexibility is what helps me the most. I know some people who run on 80 percent flexibility and 20 percent preparation and planning. I can't operate that way and that would only spike up my anxiety and panic.
I made sure to bring proper clothing attire, pull out a good amount of cash, brought multivitamins, chose "healthier" choices when eating on the road, and reassuring myself that the weekend is going to be great. The weekend was ultimately for my friend and the guys going would bask in his bachelordom. I think for the majority of the time, I got myself to think outside of myself. Rather then worry and constantly think about how I might look being with "these" group of people (that sounds horrible and I actually sound and think that way most of the times)… I got myself to be thinking "I'm with a big group of friends and we're going to run Las Vegas".
The most anticipated moment, in my head, would be dealing with the Gentlemen's Club situation. I've wrote about this before and the truth is, I'm never enthusiastic about going to one.
Below are reason's why:
1. You're at the focus of attention from all the patrons.
2. A majority of them are aggressive.
3. You spend money / They hustle you for all of your money
4. The atmosphere is filled with smoke
The first night there and the actual planned night was actually handled with less anxiety and stressed as I anticipated. I knew what the weekend was meant to be. I did not put up any resistance and I accepted what we would be doing in Las Vegas: Gamble, Drink, and Gentlemen's Club.
The actual planned Bachelor's Party went off great. I think I enjoyed it, because it was planned and setup. Another friend had contacts with a club. We got a booth reserved. Limo picked us up and we had bottle service. I admit that alcohol had it's hand in my state of mind, but it was a weekend of hanging out with the guys. I was much looser and I was actually talking a lot with the patrons and just having fun with the bullsh*t my friends would throw at them.
"Ohh.. that's correct, I am the owner of the hottest IPO on the market right now"
Another thing I did was grow out my mustache for the month of May. It wasn't really planned, but when I saw how thick my mustache was growing in, I decided to keep it. The ends are starting to curl and I've never gotten that far. I usually get self-conscious about how I look with a mustache, but I allowed myself to grow with the look. In fact, I'm owning it, which is why I think I don't give a sh*t about the negative thoughts I would be having.
Here's how I think now: How will I be perceived by other people with this cheesy mustache vs. I'm going to bring grown man mustache swag back.
In conclusion, the weekend was great and I'm now recovering from the unhealthy eating, drinking, and cigarette smoking (yes, I know… I don't smoke, but I was drunk) and I'm trying to get myself in fighting shape. The wedding is coming up shortly and I have to get ready for that. I'm making the wedding slideshow, which will be presented during the reception dinner, for the couple and they like what I've done so far. I have a few edits and a lot of fine tuning to do.
Here's to believing in more of myself, to knowing that confidence is always there if I looked for it, and to accept any insecurities and being able to grow and develop from it.
I think preparation, planning ahead, and leaving room for flexibility is what helps me the most. I know some people who run on 80 percent flexibility and 20 percent preparation and planning. I can't operate that way and that would only spike up my anxiety and panic.
I made sure to bring proper clothing attire, pull out a good amount of cash, brought multivitamins, chose "healthier" choices when eating on the road, and reassuring myself that the weekend is going to be great. The weekend was ultimately for my friend and the guys going would bask in his bachelordom. I think for the majority of the time, I got myself to think outside of myself. Rather then worry and constantly think about how I might look being with "these" group of people (that sounds horrible and I actually sound and think that way most of the times)… I got myself to be thinking "I'm with a big group of friends and we're going to run Las Vegas".
The most anticipated moment, in my head, would be dealing with the Gentlemen's Club situation. I've wrote about this before and the truth is, I'm never enthusiastic about going to one.
Below are reason's why:
1. You're at the focus of attention from all the patrons.
2. A majority of them are aggressive.
3. You spend money / They hustle you for all of your money
4. The atmosphere is filled with smoke
The first night there and the actual planned night was actually handled with less anxiety and stressed as I anticipated. I knew what the weekend was meant to be. I did not put up any resistance and I accepted what we would be doing in Las Vegas: Gamble, Drink, and Gentlemen's Club.
The actual planned Bachelor's Party went off great. I think I enjoyed it, because it was planned and setup. Another friend had contacts with a club. We got a booth reserved. Limo picked us up and we had bottle service. I admit that alcohol had it's hand in my state of mind, but it was a weekend of hanging out with the guys. I was much looser and I was actually talking a lot with the patrons and just having fun with the bullsh*t my friends would throw at them.
"Ohh.. that's correct, I am the owner of the hottest IPO on the market right now"
Another thing I did was grow out my mustache for the month of May. It wasn't really planned, but when I saw how thick my mustache was growing in, I decided to keep it. The ends are starting to curl and I've never gotten that far. I usually get self-conscious about how I look with a mustache, but I allowed myself to grow with the look. In fact, I'm owning it, which is why I think I don't give a sh*t about the negative thoughts I would be having.
Here's how I think now: How will I be perceived by other people with this cheesy mustache vs. I'm going to bring grown man mustache swag back.
In conclusion, the weekend was great and I'm now recovering from the unhealthy eating, drinking, and cigarette smoking (yes, I know… I don't smoke, but I was drunk) and I'm trying to get myself in fighting shape. The wedding is coming up shortly and I have to get ready for that. I'm making the wedding slideshow, which will be presented during the reception dinner, for the couple and they like what I've done so far. I have a few edits and a lot of fine tuning to do.
Here's to believing in more of myself, to knowing that confidence is always there if I looked for it, and to accept any insecurities and being able to grow and develop from it.
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