Post Christmas/Holiday Rant

I'm so tired. I don't know why I force myself to stay up when I know I should knock out. Today's been a long day. I've been eating non-stop these past three days. I woke up in the morning with intentions to go run. I kept hitting snooze, so my intentions to run turned into intentions to walk. As I was about to head out the door, my cousin and his family were about to hit up some breakfast. I joined and I tried eating healthy. I had a semi-panic-sweat attack. On a scale of 1 through 10 it was a 4. The area I was in felt stuffy. I was in a corner booth on the edge, cramped with 4 adults and 2 kids. I'm not sure what triggered it, but I was fine. Once we got the food and we started eating, things started to feel closed off. I started to get all claustrophobic. An older cousin saw me sweating and said, "the salsa is pretty hot huh". Salsa wasn't that hot, but it and coffee contributed to my "warm" feeling. I had to down some ice cold water and not eat anything.

Once I cooled down, I was fine. The worse part of the morning was losing my phone :( After that the whole day was just a very long day. However, I would say I did some things I probably wouldn't do under normal circumstances. I called and talked to the restaurant. I talked to a group of girls that took over the booth I was at. I called around and talked to the restaurant one last time before I took off on my long drive. If I wasn't occupied by the thought of losing my phone, I'd say that doing all those social exposures was amazing.

Okay... on top of that, I feel fat, unhealthy, extremely irritated being in my skin at the moment. I feel like my stomach sticks out and I keep viewing myself in the mirror as this hideous and monster looking thing. On other days I feel good about myself, but I think all to his holiday indulgence just left me feeling beside myself.

I don't like this feeling. I need to clean up my diet, possibly do a salad-only detox for this week and do more walking and eventually jogging. Once I'm in shape, I'll get back into running.

Night Night!