Christmas Anxiety & Panic Moment

Last night I had one of the most intense panic moments I've had in awhile. My anxiety wasn't as bad and I was looking forward on visiting my friend (who recently became a proud new father). The party was going to be held at my older cousin's house. I first stopped by other my cousin's house and was riding with them to the party.

I was more of the "go to" person, because I was closer to the person who was throwing the party. We go and everything's good, regardless of the many staring eyes from all the grown up nieces. I'm greeted by my friend and his wife and baby. I was happy. Now here comes the very intense part.

My cousin and his wife were holding the baby and every things swell. I saw my cousin started to get sweaty but I didn't say anything. I greet the other people in the house and I'm offered some drinks. I start hitting the beer, because I need something to calm me down. I was anticipating something, and that something happened. My name is called and they want me to hold the baby. I was put on the spotlight. I felt all eyes were on me and they were. All of a sudden, I break sweat. My cousin's wife see's it and points it out. I start to sweat more. I freak out and I'm in total freak out mode. I ask someone to take the baby, because I'm starting to burn up. My cousin's wife asks if I'm okay and I said yeah.

I get away and Im trying to cool down. I'm hanging out in the hallway like a little kid who puts himself in the corner, because he's shy. I'm just trying to be unseen as I feel my shirt collecting up the sweat. Im playing it off and my cousin see's me. I think he has an understanding. Another cousin comes by and he's pointing things out left and right. I tell him I'm having a panic attack and he ends up announcing it to everyone else. He then realizes he made things worse for me and I think he felt bad afterwards.

After I got over that hump, I talked to my cousin and his wife. My cousin told me he goes through the same thing and especially during interviews and "at-work" situations. It felt good to find out that I'm not the only one who goes through some sort of anxiety-panic-episode, but it just sucks that it happened to me on a very big, front, and centered stage.

With all of that, I was still happy to see my friend, his family, my family, and spend it with people I love.

Happy Holidays!