My NYE has been pretty much the same for the past 4 or 5 years. I've spent it by staying in. Mainly by default, but also because I'm comfortable that way. However, I hate the "lying" part. I have to pretend or tell coworkers that I'm probably spending it with friends or that I have to work. That is the part I feel guilty or ashamed of. I just feel as if I will be looked at as pathetic if I'm not out doing anything.
It is true this year that I have to work. I'll be spending the morning, 9 am to 1 pm, working. I have to be on a conference bridge while I verify web files for our web release. Yeah, its cool that I have that to fall back on as an excuse... but there's just something about how I am spending my NYE (or possibly my life) this way.
There's a part of me that wants something different, yet I've balked or avoided opportunities to be out. I could of gone to San Diego and spent NYE with my cousin's family in law. I could of went back home and spent it there. I possibly could of spent it briefly with a friend, which I've missed certain chances to meet up with.
I do feel changes are a foot and I'm feeling different. I feel older. As lost or out-of-control as I can feel, I also feel good and in-control of the possibilities.
My love-life is relatively the same, yet I've noticed a few things. Maybe, it's because I'm older or the fact that I'm out there more (compared to previous years). I think just being out at gatherings and more in front of people stirs up more interest.
Financially, I'm stable again and I'm able to save and payoff a lot of things. I'm trying to make the most of things.
Social Anxiety... well that's another story. I no longer have those fears of even stepping into places like Target or Grocery Markets. I'm still shaky at restaurants, depending on who I'm with, but I've been okay lately. It's a toss up with me when I'm at family & friend gatherings. I can be cool as ice and play along with people joking, but I can be the opposite the next time and break a sweat with just a glance. With me, it's all about confidence. When I'm confident going into something, I can go a long way. When I'm unsure and in self-doubt going into anything, then I'm basically dead in the water.
Health... I am not as healthy or fit as I was a year ago. I've been battling my weight, but I'm on track. Maybe I've lost a step or two, but I just have to keep on trucking.
Much more things to reevaluate and goals to setup. I look forward to the new year and I would like to wish everyone a warm and welcoming 2012.
Peace and Love,
Mr Shy & Timid
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