Back Into the Groove of Things

There you are and here I am. It's been awhile hasn't it? I've definitely had you in mind, but I've been extremely busy. I'd like to think and feel that I've learned from my past mistakes and experiences. As long as I continue to have these inner dialogues. Correction, these inner monologues, I think it will help in understanding "myself" rather than oppressing "myself" causing a great deal of stress, strain, anxiety and panic.

I'm back in the office workplace. For how long, I'm not to sure, but I do know it will be for a good while. It's a different type of pace than working at home. There is much more stress. Much more balance is needed, yet it keeps me busy. It keeps me away from focusing on social anxiety or panic. Instead, I'm back to grinding things out and feeling certain pressures to get things correctly done. However, I'm liking it. I'm just trying not to engage in a coworker's very bleek, negative, and counter-productive attitude.

During my first day/week at the office, I was a bit nervous. I did notice that working at home as a freelancer made me comfortable. I ate whenever. I ate whatever. I worked in pajamas or shorts. I let myself go a bit. I felt like a boxer entering his training camp a bit overweight. I'm starting to feel more fit, but I don't feel comfortable in my clothes just yet. I did start to run (after work) 4 days out of the work week. I try to eat healthy, but my coworker persuades me to eat out for lunch. I'm dealing with it, but I know I can get back into fighting shape. My goal is to feel fit and look fit by my 30th Birthday (which is coming up in a couple of months).
I worried about my "sweating" problem. I worried about running into former coworkers and making chit chat. After my first day, I was a bit more comfortable. No panic attacks, no sweating, and no problems. I'm able to make eye contact with coworkers. I'm able to chat and greet people. I'm able to eat lunch in the break room without feeling too uncomfortable.

Things are going good. I'll be able to save money, pay off bills, and hopefully pay off my car quicker than planned. I don't have to worry about getting paychecks from my client (the company I do freelance for). Yet, I continue to work freelance during the weekends and off hours. This money allows me to save up more.

I'd also like to mention a big victory or at least reassure myself that I was able to do something very important today. I had my regular checkup at the dentist office today. I was a bit nervous and had thoughts about feeling panic and sweating (as usual). I usually feel warm when they put that spotlight on me while they clean my teeth. During that process, I did feel that lamp on me. I did have those thoughts. Yet, they were met with calming thoughts. I reassured myself that things were okay and that I was fine. No burst of intense panic or shift in body temperature. I was able to keep cool and make conversation with my dentist. Certain moments I did feel warm or I tensed up... but that was because he was cleaning my teeth and was close to my gums. I did really well and I was proud of myself for doing this normal everyday thing. I felt comfortable.