What am I doing?

It's a bit comic that we tend to abuse or neglect every indication of what our body and/or mind is telling us. Last week was a hectic, crazy, annoying, and unbelievably irritating schedule for me. I probably got a total of 15 hours of sleep that week (3 - 4 hours of sleep every night). One can imagine how irritated a person can get when they're hanging by a thread. I was not in a mood to talk and I admit that I was a bit snappy. I didn't want to make conversation with anyone and I the days grew restless. When I thought I was done, more changes and more additions were piled onto the project. The project launched, but it's far from done. This week is a continuation of last week, but at a much more slower pace.

I hardly had an appetite last week and I was downing major cups of coffee. After weening myself off and drinking 3 cups at most a day, I'm back to drinking 6 cups of coffee. I've been trying to get back on my healthy eating regime, but I'm sneaking and snacking on an extra amount of carbs and sugar. I'll have a piece of wheat bread (or two) with a slab of peanut butter and a spoonful of nutella after a nice green lunch. Then I'll continue to snack on the same thing after dinner, except multiply that by two or three.

I always try to find balance or an offset. I've slowly been getting into my workout regime, but my body hasn't taken it lightly. I bought new shoes, but my feet hate them. My shins act up when I walk up hill and my calves and hips hate me when I try to run. I have no lift or energy, that when I run my feet drag and make that scraping noise.

And at the end of the day... when my body is clearly telling me: WE'RE EXHAUSTED. WE'RE HUNGRY. WE'RE IN NEED OF A GOOD AMOUNT OF SLEEP. WE NEED REST! Yet, I neglect the signs. I don't listen to the cries and I drone on scouring the internet for mindless reading and/or visual material. My eyes want to shut, while my mind doesn't want to do any thinking. Yet... I refuse to go to sleep for no other reason than not wanting to call it quits.

I think this is a start. Whether I get 4 or 8 hours of sleep, it means nothing if I go to sleep with this "unwilling" feeling. This is a start... by relieving, exercising, and venting out my thoughts... I'm clearing out my mind and making room for better thoughts and feelings in the morning.