My Weekend Adventure at Disneyland

My writing isn't that great in this entry. I'm sure a few typo's and grammatical errors will show up. You'll run across sentences where it basically repeats another idea over and over. Or, you could run into a sentence that stops in mid-idea. This entry is more of a freewriting exercise rather than a thought-out entry. I just needed to "release" my thoughts and hope that the new week ahead starts off smoothly.

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I've been very lazy today. I have days where I have so many thoughts racing that I can't do anything. Then I have other days where I know I have a lot to do, but I'm unwilling to do anything. I'm not sure what it is, but I have a mind-body misconnection or miscommunication. I hate to beat myself up over bad habits, but I also don't want to dismiss my behavior for continuing bad habits. I tried to eat healthy this week. More than anything, my goal was to lower my sugar and caffeine intake. I wish I cold say I was successful, but I wasn't. I tried to hold the fort before the weekend, but I indulged a bit and let loose this saturday. I did every unhealthy mistake imaginable. To keep things short and simple, I was out celebrating a family member's birthday. I had a good time, which I'll mention in a bit, but I let loose. I'm there with family and kids. I had brownies, cinnamon churro's, cafe latte, glowito (Disneyland's Mojito), and a Big Lunch. To top it off, since we didn't really eat dinner. I stopped by a Del Taco to pick up a marcho chicken burrito and french fries. I'll be honest, this meal really fills you up and it is satisfying fast food at it's best. I use to survive on Del Taco during my University Year. The sad truth is, I scarffed down more than 1000 calories in that dinner alone. I don't even want to think about how much calories I had throughout the day and how unhealthy the food was. Yes, I got exercise and walked around, but I just can't help but feel unhealthy and allow myself to feel bad about it.

Now, that's just the heath & fitness portion of my rant. I can't say I really dealt with Social Anxities during my day at Disneyland. Yes, I had anxieties with the planning of everything. I had to make sure I placed reservations for my ticket, that I had the address to my cousin's hotel. I had to find out specifics of where to park, what things I might need to bring, etc. I woke up later than I planned. That wasn't a problem, because I made it to my cousin's hotel in less than half and hour and we were able to get our (mine, my cousin, my cousin's wife, and my cousin's in-law family) tickets that we reserved. Then I met the other cousin's from the in law sides. I really didn't feel any "panic" or anxieties. I mean, I was myself. I was quiet and shy, but I had no anxieties or frustrations feeling that way.

Now that I've described the situation, the day went well but it was a bit chaotic. Trying to have the family members together to be at one place. We had other cousin's coming in late for the day and trying to find a rally point. It's a very big task. I wasn't prepared for that day. Walking and standing all day. I can run a marathon, but a marathon seems like nothing compared to walking and standing all day at Disneyland.

I had no problems talking with the other family members (cousin's in-laws) and I had a blast, but it was hard to hear some criticism. Mainly this one: "You're hard to read, I don't know if you're having a good time or not and I really want you to have a good time." This is something I use to stress about. I remember having a friend, constantly looking at my direction and asking if I was okay and it only made me more self-conscious.

Not that the criticism made me upset, but I thought about it for a moment. It was true. I wasn't expressing any enthusiasm. I couldn't, I felt like a zombie. I woke up at 7 am, when I've been use to waking up at noon. I'm use to having 2 cups of coffee and a visit with the bathroom before starting my day. I only had half a cup of coffee, before I got in my car. I had two brownie pieces for breakfast and had a bad headache during lunch. So, it wasn't that I was having a terrible time. I just had a hard time being overly expressive. I did have a good time and I realize a lot of things. Going to disneyland as a kid is magical. I remember gong as a kid. I loved it. Spending it with my mom and dad. Going on the rides with them. It's amazing. Then going as teenager is different. I remember visiting Disneyland during my senior year of college. First time I planned something that big with my girlfriend at the time. I went to Disneyland again a couple of years ago for my nephew's birthday. Then that's when you realize the changes. My nephew's eyes were wide open and lit up the whole time. I think I enjoyed spending time with my nephew and watching the kids excitement rather than worrying about my own excitement.

I think that's what also happened. During the same time my cousins were worrying I wasn't having a good time. I wanted to make sure they were having a good time and that I went along with whatever rides they wanted to ride.

So that trip happened on Saturday. It's now Monday (1 am) and I do feel better letting all of this out. I was on the couch most of the day. I didn't want to do anything. I need to snap out of this. I have a lot of things I should be doing tomorrow. I need to get my life organized again.