Before I Forget...

I haven't been able to write lately, or even record my usual Vlogs. However, there was one moment last week I wanted to mention.

I attended a friends (ex-coworker) bon-voyage happy hour get together. It was her last day at the last company I worked for. I was looking forward to it, but it would be a lie if I said I wasn't nervous or anxious or didn't have any anxiety. I think I started getting anticipatory anxiety hours before driving to the place. I was still fighting that cold/allergy/sinus thing I had, but I got through it. The function was fine. I was actually social (but I wouldn't say I was completely comfortable). I walked into this Restaurant and I knew they would be near the bar. I walked around the bar and spotted them. I tapped my friend on the back and she turned around. I gave a big hug and we talked. Then I saw another coworker there and we talked. There were times I caught myself feeling uncomfortable. One of those moments are when I'm talking with a coworker and within my peripherals, I can see other workers (people I don't really know) not talking and somewhat of a wall-flower. I feel uncomfortable, because I feel like I'm being rude or I should somehow steer the conversation where I include them. I put this pressure on myself, but I try to just focus on the person I'm talking with. That's one situation.

So, I made my way towards another part of the table and I heard someone yell my name. I talk with this former coworker and I'm asking how things are going. She seems happy and cheerful. She seems glad to see me. I also forget that, even though I don't work at that company anymore, I need to not run my mouth about the company or some of the workers. Just because it's not nice and my words could find they're way around the company.

I made my way towards the other end of the table where I talked to my good friend and former coworker as well. I was talking to her and her boyfriend. It was nice.

Towards the end of the night, this is where I had the most tense moment. I don't want to say it was INTENSE, but it was TENSE. The chatty coworker I was talking with earlier in the night grabbed my iPhone from me. She saw I had a "Meetup" app. She was like, "Oh let's see what events you have lined up..." and I got quiet really quick. I'm not the type to act quick and grab the phone away, because then it would attract more unwanted attention. So I payed it no attention and just hoped my phone would lag and she'd get tired of the app to load. She eventually got to the app and she was reading some of the meetup events coming up on the app, then she read "Social Anxiety Busters" and was like "What's that?" I don't think it registered in her head or maybe it didn't, but she got tired of waiting for the app to update and gave me back my phone. I just pretended like I didn't hear her reading off the events on the app, but it caused a tense moment for me.

After that, I did get self-concious but I was able to shake it off and enjoy the rest of the night.