It is morning. I woke up, with the aid of my phone slash alarm clock. I woke up feeling good, but I kind of had to push myself to get out of bed. Made coffee, and yes I'm still working on that. I sliced some mushrooms, sausage, and green onions and made an omelette. I'm sitting on the floor with my macbook. I have the television on with the audio muted. I'm just being receptive to my surroundings. My environment which I am present in. It's peaceful. I was in the same environment last night when I was writing my last entry. I was reflecting on my trip to Las Vegas. I have more to reflect on, but I have thoughts or feelings if I should. It's kind of like, it's already past and done with and the feelings and thoughts have left... so why tinker with it? Yet, I want to get into my frustrations during the weekend and really get at them. I had a bit of a struggle with myself at an unusual place at an unusual time. I'm a bit... not embarrassed, but I'm shy to talk about it, because I'm afraid I might offend someone or I might be judged or viewed a certain way by being to open about it. However, it isn't anything revealing...
**end of 5 minutes**
... Well I have an Ortho Appointment today. A regular, monthly, check up on my teeth to see how they've been behaving without braces. I'm good at being consistent with wearing my retainers. Yes, there are days where I don't ware them all day. There are some days, I'm only able to wear it at night, but I still wear them. I'm hoping the Doctor will tell me I can now wear as little as only going to bedtime.
That's pretty much my gameplan for today. I would like to work more on myself with my writing. To help me with my thinking and feeling. Also, I've been researching therapists around my area. I need to review my current Health Insurance plan to see what is covered or what can be covered. If getting a therapists is covered, I think I might take advantage of it.
I've been thinking about it ever since I started reading "The Therapist Mumbles" blogsite. It kind of shed some light for me. I admit I've been a bit stubborn about even considering seeing a therapist, not to mention the annoyed feeling I have when thinking how much it could costs.
However, I feel that seeing a therapists is beneficial to anyone, regardless of having a severe mental illness or just having a few rough patches in life. Everybody is human and everyone isn't built with unbreakable armor. Everyone gets hit, everyone gets bruised.
I even talked with an old friend (well... she was someone, and probably the last person, that I dated. Nothing serious, especially since I wasn't attracted to her in that way and I didn't want to lead her on) who studied psychology and is working on her masters. She has a background involving psychology and therapy. She's working towards being a student counselor. Well we end up chatting and I started to ask stuff involving differences between a Psychiatrist, Psychologist, and Therapist. I asked her about her views bout someone like me seeing a therapist and I gave her my views as well. It was a really nice conversation. She asked me if I kept a journal and I told her I did and that it is what helps me sort out my thoughts. I told her I still struggle with my thoughts and she pointed out that it's the "ego" that is fighting and you just have to keep working on it and pretty much let it play out.
Okay.... I will end it here for today's freewriting. The mind is such a complex and amazing thing, but functions at it's best when you keep it simple.
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