A Visit to the Local Bakery Shop

I woke up this morning feeling a bit "blah". It's the weekend and I knocked out last night without eating dinner. I fell asleep in an awkward position on a stiff pillow. Upon waking up (on my own and without any alarm) I just felt stiff. I felt "blah" and unmotivated for anything. I showered. I look really scruffy. I started growing out a mustache a month ago and I have a beard shadow as well. In my mind, I look and feel like sh*t. Well, not sh*t, but just not 100% socially flexible. I do great at work. I went on a lunch meeting yesterday with my department. I'm able to interact, even with certain tensions flairing with other coworkers towards other coworkers. Even with certain negative feelings from others, I'm still able to flourish.

I even had a lunch meeting with the company I do freelance with. I got my balls busted, because I basically offered information to the Art Director that I did take a contract position with my old company. He teased with me and joked around, but it was all in fun.

So, I look at those situations and I don't even see any problems or how I'm able to socially interact with them consciously and functionally. I guess it has to do with familiarity. I've become familiar with them and accustomed so the thought of anxiety doesn't quite enter my head.

Now this morning, I had to run one important errand. I wanted to get this Red Velvet Cake that my sister loves. It's for her birthday. She knows I'm getting her a cake, but I still want to make it somewhat of a surprise.

I went into the local bakery shop. I've gone in successfully before and I really didn't think nothing of it this morning. I walked in and it was a tad crowded. I got asked for help, so I told them I wanted a red velvet cake. They asked if I wanted anything written, I told them "Happy Birthday". I'm waiting around and the shop is a bit warm. I try to focus on the pastries and look at what's in the window. I'm trying to mix into the crowd and look at the stuff. When the crowd empties and it's just me and I see 5 or 6 other coworkers looking at me. One or two of them asking if I've been help. I feel this change in chemistry within me. My body warms up. I'm feeling sweat beads forming and the person that did help me is still away. I place myself under this vent where there's cold air, but I'm still feeling a bit warm and bothered.

The person who helps me is finally back. Shows me the cake and starts to fold a box to place the cake in. I'm a bit jumpy and ready to pull the trigger. I tried giving her my credit card when she was still taping up the box and I had one of them "moments" where I was like "dooohhhhh".  So I pay for my stuff and I tried to wipe as much sweat away from my facial area before she turned and looked at me. It didn't feel that bad, but I knew I was sweating.

Once I walked out of the bakery shop, I had a big sigh of relief, but when I looked at my reflection of the car.... Holy Sh*t did it look like I had sweating bullets running down the side of my face. This is one of those moments I've had in awhile where I'm in my car thinking.. "Sh*t, wtf? Why and how did this just come all about with more intensity?"

Anywho... it has passed and I don't feel the need to beat myself up over it anymore than it needs to be. It happened. It passed. It's over. On to the next one.