I had plans on getting coffee with a good friend during my stay, but he always invited me over to his place instead where there were a lot of people (his sisters, brother, kid cousins and relatives). I was okay during the first visit. I felt flush a few times, but didn't breakout in total sweat.
Last night was the second visit. He wanted me to head over and I resisted at first. I didn't reply back to his text messages until later on in the night. When I get there, I see a bunch of cars lined up. I saw familiar faces and was okay. However, I had that feeling of "overstaying my welcome" even though it wasn't that way. It was more of.... I overstayed my own "welcome" meter and I was just tired and uncomfortable. I wonder, I'm probably sure I'm not the only one, if anyone else starts to get annoyed when they stay at an event longer then they feel they should. I start to listen to someone's conversation and I feel it becomes "fake" when the person is still lively and giddy trying to make it seem like they are like that the whole time.
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Today, I woke up tired and a feeling of "fullness". I overate last night and I overate this morning. The sun is out and I plan on cleaning my car and getting a bit more active. I have so much "finances" to sort out when I get back to my apartment. I'm looking forward to it. I feel better about the "filing of taxes" this year. I talked to my cousin and his wife about it, and they reassured a couple of things for me and that's why I feel "okay" about it and I'll file my own taxes this year as a "sole proprietor" which is very new for me. If anyone out there has experience in that, let me know so I can ask questions :)
The other night (the night of Christmas), I had a lot of thoughts, worries, and anxieties riding me. I ended up writing an email draft to help me out. Here's what I wrote:
I'm having a mixed bag of emotions tonight. Christmas Lunch was spent at my parents house this year so that meant everyone showed up here. I had thoughts about gift giving and only gave out cash to the younger kids of my cousins.
At the sometime I stressed about all the money being spent and withdrawn from my bank account.
I wad on my feet the entire day. I drive around town doing last minute grocery shopping.
I made my Greek salad as a side dish this year. I also baked some oatmeal cookies that everyone ate. The kitchen and living-room got a bit too hot at times but I was able to cool down.
After this hectic day and putting things away and prepping my stuff for tomorrows snowboarding trip.....
I was feeling anxious, no control, helpless, stressed and a but depressed. It sounds about right. Put myself in a mixed and hectic environment and add some pressure (most likely self imposed) and once the dust settles..... You get the feelings I'm having at this moment.
I need to sleep but I can't, hence the née to freewrite my day and night.
Sent via iPhone (expect typos)
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I hope everyone had a nice holiday and I hope everyone is looking forward to the New Year. Get your papers, notes, and pencils out. Workout your thoughts and get some plans out in the open. Take action and execute. Work, work, work, and more work. The only way to get better and to progress is to put in the work.
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