I can still remember it. I was this chubby, shy, and quiet eleven year old boy in the fifth grade. I was friendly with everyone in class. I had three good friends that I'd play with during break-time. Every year I would win academic awards along with my prized citizenship award (which basically means your one of the nicest individuals in class). I credit that to being shy, quiet, and a likable person.
I remember that year we had a new student that transferred from Kentucky. Her name, Hilary. She was a lively girl. She wasn't afraid to speak her mind. She had one mean right hook. She fought with all the boys. She had the mouth of a sailor and never backed down. Then it happened.
This was back in the days, where passing a note to someone meant you were an item. When going to recess the next period meant the entire 4th, 5th, and 6th grade class knew everything.
The situation took place on a Friday afternoon. Girl asks boy to walk with her. Boy agrees. Girl asks boy out. Boy says okay. Girl is happy. Boy doesn't know what to think. Boy talks to girl on a Sunday and breaks things off.
That was my first, short lived, boyfriend/girlfriend relationship experience. Yup, our relationship was spent only 1/2 day at school and 1 1/2 days on the phone. I didn't know what to think. I was really surprised someone liked me. I liked her too, but I worried and focused on what everyone else would think. Nice guy going out with the new tough girl. What if I get made fun of? What if I get teased? This was the first time I broke someone's little heart. I was nervous and anxious about the whole situation.
I've mentioned how my journey to overcome SA stems from the pressures of being single. I actually use to write a lot about this subject. I've written about my encounters with love, crushes, and heartbreaks. I figured that if I wrote down and told a story, that I could find something. A solution. I thought, maybe, I would be able to get myself to not-be-shy.
As I'm writing this, I'm thinking about and wondering what I can get out my experiences. I look back at this story and I see how self-conscious I was. How I worried more about the opinions of others rather than my own. The guilt and anxiety of breaking up with her. Is this typical? Is this a normal phase in grade school? The feelings of "not wanting to be a bad guy". I wonder if I repeated the same thoughts, emotions, and feelings in other experiences. I know that I was a kid, but I'm just seeing where this takes me. I think I'll ride this out and see what I might uncover.
I remember that year we had a new student that transferred from Kentucky. Her name, Hilary. She was a lively girl. She wasn't afraid to speak her mind. She had one mean right hook. She fought with all the boys. She had the mouth of a sailor and never backed down. Then it happened.
This was back in the days, where passing a note to someone meant you were an item. When going to recess the next period meant the entire 4th, 5th, and 6th grade class knew everything.
The situation took place on a Friday afternoon. Girl asks boy to walk with her. Boy agrees. Girl asks boy out. Boy says okay. Girl is happy. Boy doesn't know what to think. Boy talks to girl on a Sunday and breaks things off.
That was my first, short lived, boyfriend/girlfriend relationship experience. Yup, our relationship was spent only 1/2 day at school and 1 1/2 days on the phone. I didn't know what to think. I was really surprised someone liked me. I liked her too, but I worried and focused on what everyone else would think. Nice guy going out with the new tough girl. What if I get made fun of? What if I get teased? This was the first time I broke someone's little heart. I was nervous and anxious about the whole situation.
I've mentioned how my journey to overcome SA stems from the pressures of being single. I actually use to write a lot about this subject. I've written about my encounters with love, crushes, and heartbreaks. I figured that if I wrote down and told a story, that I could find something. A solution. I thought, maybe, I would be able to get myself to not-be-shy.
As I'm writing this, I'm thinking about and wondering what I can get out my experiences. I look back at this story and I see how self-conscious I was. How I worried more about the opinions of others rather than my own. The guilt and anxiety of breaking up with her. Is this typical? Is this a normal phase in grade school? The feelings of "not wanting to be a bad guy". I wonder if I repeated the same thoughts, emotions, and feelings in other experiences. I know that I was a kid, but I'm just seeing where this takes me. I think I'll ride this out and see what I might uncover.
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