Lunch & Deodorants

Today was eventful for me. I set out to be more active this week: active with my projects, cbt, and social exposure. For the most part, I've succeeded in being active in all three areas.

I planned a lunch meetup with two former coworkers. I chatted with them online and talks of possible freelance/contract work came up. One coworker is skilled and tries to be positive, while the other coworker complains and is very negative. The positive coworker and I knew we wouldn't be able to discuss the job opportunity with the negative coworker during lunch, so we actually planned another lunch meet-up between the two of us next week.

***

I got ready for the days lunch meet-up and I've also been trying this over-the-counter clinical strength anti-perspirant. It claims to have a 24-hour wetness protection (or wetness resistance). You put it on before you go to bed and it works throughout the day, even after you shower in the morning. How effective is it? It's okay at best. For me, it doesn't fully keep me dry, but I recognize my shirt's don't really show any big sweat marks. It also helps that I don't freak out or give too much thought about my underarm sweating as much as I use to.

***

I'm dressed, ready and on the road for this beautiful, sunny, 75 degree, Southern California, 30-minute commute to a Sandwich joint. The food was great, especially when my (negative) coworker treated us to lunch. Everything was good, except for the negative coworker. It was nice talking to him, and I entertained his thoughts and beliefs, but it was very draining. I felt like I became his therapists. He's very negative about the workplace and stubborn with his own beliefs. He talks about how crappy the place is and how crappy the authority figures are. He talks about how I shouldn't fancy the thought of doing work for the company. He goes on to say how happy I look (which I have no idea how he came up with that conclusion), implying that it's a result from quitting the company nearly 8 months ago. It was hard to sprinkle "random" life topics to the conversation, but I endured. My other coworker had to keep a tight lid on "work" talk, because he had to endure more of that when they headed back for work.

I don't know how to explain it, but I felt very drained. On my drive back home, I felt like I just sparred in the ring for a few rounds. I had to stop by and get coffee, just so I could get back to working on a design layout. I chatted online with the positive coworker. We scheduled another lunch, but this time just himself and I. We both mentioned how draining it was at lunch. I can understand and feel for my (negative) coworker, but he doesn't do anything to change it. Everything he complains about is really a projection of how he see's himself or feels about himself. It's hard to explain. I know things are easier said than done, but he is miserable because he chooses to be miserable. For someone who despises and complains about the workplace—he also discourages the new temp workers to not take a full-time position—why doesn't he put his money where his mouth is? Why doesn't he quit, even if he doesn't have anything lined up, and figure things out for himself and I'm sure he'll find out how "valuable" he is to himself and any company that would seek him. I really don't mean to talk down on this person, because he is a good guy and he has good intentions (he just chooses to the opposite side).

On paper, I seem to have done a good job on everything. All the positives I have going for me and the progress made are there, but for one reason or another, I can only feel the stress of today's events. There are somedays where you realize that life is more than just Social Anxieties. That there is other sh*t out there. There there are worse scenarios. Today could have been one of those days, but the main sticking point is that I "experienced" rather than avoided.