The Incredible Sulk

RAWR! As much as I've been mumbling, ranting, and venting out my frustrations... It still continues. I don't know how to explain it. There is no preventative measure, because I'M IN IT. I'm familiar with this cycle and this "situation" I'm in, but I can't shake it off. Weeks prior, I was on a very healthy dose of sleep, diet, work, and sunlight. Then DEF-CON 3 came into play and I had to work feverishly for a companies website launch. That event passed and I've been rummaging in the wake ever since. I've been drowning in this yucky feeling ever since. I haven't been going out or taking my normal jogs lately. It's been so long that I convince myself from not going out, not walking the dog, not going for my daily jog. I hate being trapped, but I end up trapping myself in my room. I end up feeling really annoyed and irritated.

Now, my problem is my eating habit and how I feel. I've had a hard time cleaning up my horrible eating habit. All the processed sugar and carbs. I can see how it's affected me. I'm irritable. I feel full and my stomach feels like it's popping out. I feel fat and just disgusted, leaving me not wanting to go outside. I need to break out of this cycle or this "thing" that I'm in, but it's not an easy task.

RAWR!!!!!

Sweet Tooth

I have such a sweet tooth and it's all junk food. It's one thing knowing it and participating in unhealthy habits. However, I just had some sort of moment today. I reflected on a feeling and I actually thought about it.

Today was going to be my "fruit" day where the only thing I ate during the day is fruits (oranges), but that didn't last long. However, my diet's still been pretty healthy. I drink my caffeine (coffee) moderately. One cup per meal, except for dinner. I only add sugar-free creamer. The only sugar that's in my food are organic, meaning they're coming from fruits or something naturally sweet and nothing artificially added.

I bought a bag of mini chocolate chip cookies that were sugar free. It's hard to keep myself away from them, because I have the mindset that "hey they're sugar free". Then I realize that they're nearly 100 calories for 4 mini cookies. They're not filling and they only make you want more.

Now, I was reflecting on what it is that attracts me to these cookies so much. I don't have this craving for fruits, even though it has a good source of "sweets". I also realize that the cookies are still highly processed food.

In hindsight, I shouldn't of bought this bag of chocolate chips. I have the tendency to finish off the bag, but I really don't want to participate in bad habits. It's hard for me to moderately eat them. It's one of those things where, I pop two cookies in and I'm already thinking that I need two more to make it complete, but it never leaves me with a satisfying feeling. Once I'm able to wash out the taste and the sweetness, I'm able to forget about them.

I'm trying to exercise my power and I hope I can. I'm off to brush my teeth to wash the crumbs away.