My Sweating Ordeal: Social Anxiety & Panic Attacks

This is a topic I constantly talk, mention, and rant about. It's something I know very well. I sound a bit redundant, but I continue to explore this subject. I'm in search for something, possibly the "makings" of my ordeal. What is "it" that causes my panic attacks? What is it that raises body temperature up within seconds? What is "it" that I can do to help alleviate it?

I think I really do need to review certain things. When I go into this frenzy or this "mode", my body is triggered by a thought. The thought can be automatic, sub-conscious, thought or it could be triggered by a spontaneous thought that is sparked from my surroundings. It could be anticipatory, the build up of, anxiety that causes self-doubt within myself leading to an attack. It could be many similar things and a combination of everything mentioned.

What usually happens in my anxiety and panic episodes?
I've found that I've had less "anticipatory" anxieties and I've been better at dealing with worrying over events (functions, meetings, dates, etc.) that I have planned. I'll either avoid avoid it and not put so much guilt on myself or attend and take advantage of the opportunity. However, I still experience "in the moment" and "triggered" thoughts and feelings that spark my anxieties. In turn, it raises up my temperature and I have these mini (and much lower intense) panic episodes. I'll start to sweat, and if I'm not feeling confident or I'm in a poor mood, I'll give into the "OMG, I'm sweating and everyone will notice me" thought and behavior.

Thinking to myself: Okay, that sounds about right. That's a good starting point and it's a great general overview of what I tend to go through. Now, I want to dig a bit deeper. I don't want to give myself the room to escape or runaway. I don't want a vague answer. I want an honest answer.

Thinking of past situations filled with anxiety and panic that caused a breakout in facial (and/or body) sweat…

+ I broke out in sweat during the Airport TSA Screening.
+ I had a few run-ins with Anticipatory Anxiety about Sight Seeing around SF and expecting to have my shirt drenched in sweat.
+ I was a groomsman for my friend's wedding. During the actual wedding ceremony, I broke out in heavy facial sweat. I felt my body temperature rising. I battled smaller sweating incidents throughout the reception.
+ Talking to an old College Buddy at the wedding made me a bit anxious and I would slowly break out into sweat.

The main situations/episodes mentioned above, did not effect my overall positive experience on my trip. The reason being: I felt prepared. I put in a lot of prep-work. I wore appropriate clothing (loser and dark clothes) that made me less conscious about my appearance. It didn't knock down my confidence and I felt like I held my own. What also helped greatly is that I had a game plan. I knew that the wedding was coming up. I was on a normal workout routine. I was eating healthy. I had a "goal" and I took steps to get myself prepared and ready for that "goal".

Sound's good, right? It does, but let's not stop there. It is a victory, but I want to question certain things. When I broke out in sweat during the Airport TSA Screening, what was "it"? Initially, I had anxiety about going through security. I felt a bit more comfortable when my friend told me he gets a rush of nerves during the screening process as well. I felt comfortable that I wasn't the only one.

My thoughts went like this: I feel that the TSA Workers will look at me as someone suspicious. This notion that I'm a brown person with an ambiguous ethnic appearance. I was sporting a thick mustache that slightly curled at the ends. I actually took pride in growing that mustache, but it still gave made me a tad self-conscious about how I would be perceived.

When I did got through the TSA screening, it wasn't until I got all of my belongings, I started to sweat. My friend that I flew out with ran into his friend that worked there. They were chatting away while I stood to the side. I was breaking out in sweat in what felt like a very slow torture tactic.

What was I thinking and feeling?
+ Okay, my friend's talking to his friend. Do I introduce myself? Do I wait for an introduction? Do I just act like I'm doing something else?
+ I'm starting to feel warm, am I going to breakout in sweat? Yes, I really am sweating. Is everyone going to notice? What if they think I look like a suspicious person, because I'm sweating?

Those are the initial, and obvious, thoughts (beliefs) I had. However, looking back at it and trying to drum up those feelings of panic and self-consciousness... I feel that the underlying thought(s) and feeling(s) I have are: "I'm alone. I'm by myself. People are going to recognize that I am by myself. Because the idea of being 'alone' is projected as a horrible thing in society, I feel extremely self-conscious that people will see me as that. I am also projecting my own thoughts of myself onto strangers, and irrationally assuming that they making a wide assortments of judgement on me"

Looking back at everything I wrote...
It's amazing and crazy that my answer, description, and process of thought is written out in such a long verbose way... yet all of those things mentioned happen within seconds. Possibly all at once as well.

The intensity of it all might not have been as great as it once was. I credit that to CBT, Prep-work, and being proactive on situations... but it still can cause havoc and take over if I don't participate in regular maintenance.


The Wedding Ceremony
This situation had more to do with a "Performance Anxiety". It wasn't me that was on center stage, yet I was a person who played a part on stage. I remember feeling nervous about the ceremony. Lining up, walking with my partner down the aisle and lining up again. The moment came, we lined up. I was first in line. Flashing lights from the camera were blinding me. My thoughts were going a bit crazy. I realized I was feeling uncomfortable and I went into a panic state. I was trying to fight myself on not sweating. Rule #1, you'll always lose if you fight it. Just go with it and it will pass by quicker. Once we got in place at the alter, the heat from the lamps above got to me. The first 10 minutes there, standing, I had to keep wiping my face and dabbing myself with my handkerchief. True, there wasn't much attention towards me, but for some reason I brought attention to myself when I told the other groomsmen. I think it helped me to get it out of the way. Shortly after, my body simmered. When we sat down, I was able to regroup. My body cooled off. I felt a bit soaked, but I wasn't sweating out anymore bullets.

My thoughts and feelings during the moment?
I don't feel it was the same thoughts I had during the TSA Screening Situation. Part of my thoughts where "they're going to see me sweating". This sweat attack, I handled well. The intensity of the panic wasn't great, but the only problem was when the sweat started rolling... You can't magically make it stop. I think the expected attention (the church crowd watching you walk down the aisle) is what triggered the thoughts, anxiety, and panic. I also wasn't the only one sweating. Another groomsmen felt the heat under the lamps. I want to be critical on what deep rooted thought caused it, but I can't. It just seemed more of a "in the moment" type of reaction to the environment and I actually handled it well. Once the sweating started, I had initial "fight" but then that subsided and I accepted the sweating. I was able to wipe off the sweat and accept that.. yes, I am on stage and people will probably see me sweating, but... I don't have to feel intense panic or feel utterly horrible about it. It will past and I will feel good.

I think the initial "nerves" and thoughts I put into my head helped trigged my panic. When I started to feel nervous, I started to think "Don't sweat, whatever you do, don't sweat!" I brought more attention to the thought of "sweating" by trying to deny it. I think I should have tried to "accept" it early on rather than deny it… but who know's? The heat from the lamps made me feel warm and that, too, sparked thoughts of "OMG… am I going to sweat?"

Final thoughts on this episode?
I didn't feel defeated, nor did I let it defeat my experience at the wedding. I was with good company the whole night. I wanted to celebrate and I didn't have the feeling or need to worry over everything.