I'm freaking out right now. My hair's been bothering me lately. I haven't felt really "fresh" these past couple of days, because I've been going to sleep late and just working away. I've been feeling short, annoyed, and stressed lately. I've noticed my hair has been somewhat coarse. I've always been paranoid and though my hair seemed to be thinning in the back or maybe the light was hitting it a certain way. I know that the hairline near my front has receded compared to when I was younger (let's say 5 to 10 years ago). Yet, I know that my hair still looks thick or full.
I cut my own hair and at first I thought I would only trim my hair, but the spot I made a mistake on last week was bothering me. I figured I'd shave my whole head shorter. I noticed that the line design I tried putting near the crown/front of my head hasn't grown in and it somewhat appears as if it's not going to.
I have a handheld mirror and medicine cabinet mirrors to view my hair while I use the clipper on my head. If I remember correctly, I last had a buzz cut in December. I don't remember having any bald spots or patches. When I buzzed near the top back area of my head… I noticed a very distinct and visible bold patch. It freaked me out. I'm still freaked out. I don't know what it is. I don't know if I'm going bald or if it's something else. It's near the swirly part of my hair, but not quite. Then I look at the patterns around this bald patch and I keep seeing or conjuring this image of thinning hair. It's freaking me out and I know I'll most likely be balding when I'm older, but… It's such a stupid feeling to have, knowing there are worse things, but I'm so freaked out over this. This bald patch that wasn't there before freaks me out, because it doesn't seem like a gradual or predicted patch. It's like a thumb sized spot surround by full set of hair.
The thoughts I had running (and I still have them running, but controlled)… I thought about turning 30 this year. I thought about where I'm at in my life. Why I'm still not living on my own or if I ever will. Or the fact that I'm not married or have any kids of my own. Then I think about how everyone around me, especially being back home, is either engaged or married. I just had a niece give birth to a kid, a friend's sister give birth, and another childhood friend have a baby. Maybe it's everything that's freaking me out.
I'm really scared to look at that spot on my head. I'm hoping it's from stress or maybe a ringworm. It's just a wakeup call for me, especially since I've been very unhealthy again this week. I've been eating recklessly and not getting any exercise whatsoever. I've been self-trapped in my own room. I know I need to change something. I need to change the way I think, behave, and feel in order to get something or anything going. I need to empty out my running thoughts…
Why is this such a wake up call? I'm sure I've had other things that could be looked at as a wakeup call (SA, being Single, Independence)… But maybe this thumb-sized bald spot represents all of those "things".
"Lawd have mercy on me"
You're coming at a crossroads in your life, you're transitioning from the 20's to the 30's, so what you are feeling and the questions you are asking are rather normal. I know it's hard but try not to focus so much on your thinning hair just focus on the fact that you still have a full head of hair. I don't know if you are a insomniac or not but do try to get some sleep if you can help it, a lack of sleep has a lot to do with you being stressed. Your sleep rhythm is off so your whole body rhythm is off too,so the sooner you can start getting a good nights sleep you will feel a big difference.
ReplyDeleteFor a while, I was worried about my hair as well. It almost look like I had bald spots on my head. My hair is very thin and it was black, so these spots were more obvious. Of course, it freaked me out. But I was also going through periods with food where I was overeating then basically under-eating. It was just damaging to my thyroid, which affects hair growth. Sure enough, after taking a blood test my doctor said that although I was still in the healthy range my thyroid was on the low side. So I started taking natural supplements like kelp, and cooking with coconut oil and it has helped drastically. Also, my hair is now lighter and you can't tell. Either way, the point of my rant is that even as a girl I've been obsessed with similar issues to you.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm going to be 23 this year and I have all the fears you've mentioned as well. I don't think it matters what our age or circumstance we never feel like we measure up.
Hey Mr. Shy and Timid, just wanted to let you know that I gave you the stylish blogger award!
ReplyDeletehttp://theshynessproject.wordpress.com/2011/04/05/stylish-blogger-award/