Feeling Overwhelmed

I wrote notes about my experiences this past week and weekend. I struggled with my writing and I didn't know how to form a cohesive story so I nearly abandoned my entry. Instead, I'll post the notes as is. I was pretty detailed about the time and events. I'm still going through this overwhelming feeling, but I'm coping.

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I didn't go to bed till 3 a.m. the night before. My chest felt tense. Not to sound overly dramatic, but my heart felt like it was going to pop out of my chest. I checked my pulse and my resting heart rate was normal. I was just nervous. I was up late working on some line drawings for a client. I sent off an email and a sample of the work I did for her for falling asleep. I got a lovely email this morning. She loves it and she would like to see different variations, which I suggested. I email her a few more samples and I haven't heard back.

Shortly after that, I get an email from the Skin Care company I've been doing a majority of my work for. They need an update or feature implemented on the site. They actually brought this to my attention yesterday to keep me in the loop. I get more info about it in the morning and I'm feeling overwhelmed. I explain what I can or can't do. I explained I need more time to research if they want me to come through with a solution. A lot of emails, a lot of "hold off till we get the go ahead" are said, and I'm slightly overwhelmed and nervous about the psychologist appointment I have at 1:30. I've been up the other night thinking of what I would say, what my reasons for going were, and if I really needed to see a professional about it.

Between worrying what I will say in therapy and coughing up the cash for treatment (that I might not necessarily need), I feel a bit overwhelmed and stress. I noticed that I didn't even have much anxiety picking up the phone to talk with my Health Care Insurance this morning. I was straight on point with no worries or nervousness.

My appointment is at 1:30 p.m., but I should be there at 1:15 pm to fill out new patient forms. I leave at 12:45, because it can take 10 - 15 minutes to get there. I arrive at 1 pm and I sit out in my car for awhile. I let my nerves calm down. I noticed that I had a different type of reaction. It's either hot or cold. Hot - I'll feel nervous and self-conscious about myself and start to exert heat and form sweat beads on my face and I'll feel my armpits soaking up. This time, it was the COLD reaction. I've drank 3 cups of coffee beforehand. I've only eaten 2 or 3 piece of toast. I couldnt eat, I had no appetite. My stomach was growling and my body was shivering as if to keep me warm.

I wait till about 1:08 to get out of my car. I walk into the building, head towards an elevator where I encounter a man in his dress shirt and tie. He has one of those bluetooth ear pieces and some documents. I exchange pleasantries. I make brief eye contact, smile and say Hi. We get into the elevator and I just stare at what floor were going to. He gets off at the same floor and I let him go first. I walk slow, just to prevent making more small talk. I walk slow and look at a floor plan layout on the wall. A janitor asked me if I needed help and I said I was looking for a specific room number. He gives me directions and I easily find the place.

I walk in and no one's at the lobby window. It takes a few seconds and the actual Doctor greets me. He tells me the receptionist is out today and that he's a little short handed. He gives me the forms that need to be filled out and gives me a few minutes to fill out the proper stuff.