5 Minute Freewriting #17

I'm ending my night a little early. I feel spent. Not physically, but mentally. I've worked out my mind. I've been researching Psychologist located in my city, making sure they're in my network (insurance), that they have experience and that I possibly feel comfortable with them. I found three therapist that I liked and made my decision on giving one a try. I wasn't sure about setting up an appointment. I didn't call or know what to say. I ended up sending an email though. He emailed back earlier this evening. That made me feel good. He answered a question of mine and told me who to talk to in setting up an appointment. He said his schedule is busy during the next two weeks and wanted to know if I wanted to get fitted in. I think so. I might try to get an appointment in before the new year starts. I'm not sure how my Insurance works. Maybe it restarts/renews itself after the new year. I started back in April/May with my health insurance. I guess I'll have to figure it out.

I also have some notes/writings from previous days. I'll probably bundle it with this freewriting. I feel exhausted. I'm starting to worry about my finances. I know I have to get to work, get work, or enter through an agency. I'm very hesitant about that. I've become comfortable, which could be bad, but I have….

***end of 5 minutes***

It's Been a Long Day

Today has been a mentally exhausting day. I'm actually skipping my run/jog today, because I want to work on "whatever" it is I'm trying to work through. The reason I say it's been mentally exhausting, is because I woke up first thing this morning dealing with a Phone Call. Questions of "Should I call Back? or What Do I talk about? What Do I Say? When should I call?" all came into play.

After dealing with this morning's Phone Call, I started to seriously research my options of "Therapists". Deciding wether I need one or not. Truth is, I have a better understanding of my Social Anxieties than I have in the last year. I have better management of the physical symptoms that include panic attacks, sweating, and waves of nervousness. I am keen on the mind-body connection and know the benefits of a good diet and exercise regime. Even with all that, I still think I can benefit from Therapy. I still have setbacks, I still go through waves of panic, and I tend to isolate myself and avoid public situations. It's the feeling of "being extremely uncomfortable" in social settings that I'd love to have a handle on. It's the effects SA has on me, which lead me to feel helpless (at times) with my career and relationships (lack of).

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Last Night (Yesterday early morning) I had such a frustrating time with my racing thoughts. I could of said "Screw This" and easily knocked out on the bed. However, it wouldn't sit right with me and I wanted to at least keep my feelings at bay and prevent any of the frustration to stew over. After ending our long day and finally crashing at our room, I had privacy in the bathroom. I was actually freewriting as I got ready to shower. I was typing away on my iPhone. Overall, I did have a great time, but would like to focus on the things that bother me. It usually works this way and this is how I workout my thoughts.

As I mentioned in my previous blog, I made a trek to Las Vegas with my friends. Looking back at it, I did have a fun time met with a few uncomfortable moments. I traveled with, who I consider to be, my best friend and his brother. We got a room at the Mirage Hotel located on the strip. I had a great time on the drive to Las Vegas. It was a nice 4+ hours of just talking it up with my friends, laughing, and singing. It was fun and we got there safely. We attended the Boxing Match we got tickets for and celebrated.