So... My anxiety just spiked up sooooo high, minutes ago. I'm back home at my parent's house in a suburban area. Quiet place, nice neighbors, everything fine behind closed doors. It seems. I noticed we had a new neighbor move in a month ago.
I was in my room working and it's right by one of my neighbors house. I heard someone yelling at first, but wasn't sure if it was kids playing or not. All of a sudden, it got serious. I heard a woman screaming "Please Help Me!" and I went into freak mode. I was wondering if any of my other neighbors were around. I was terrified to step outside. I didn't want to sit and do nothing, so I grabbed the phone. I tried listening in some more to see what was going on. It seemed like a domestic violence situation. I called 911 and I explained to them what I heard and how startled I was. I think they already received calls, because they seem to know where I was located and asked if the house/neighbor was to the east or west of me. I told them it was right by me, towards the east. Within minutes a cop car came by. Then an ambulance and another cop car. I saw the neighbor across the street from me outside of his house with a phone. Then I finally stepped out to see which neighbor was in harm's way. It was the neighbor across the street to the right of me, the new neighbors that moved in.
I called up a friend to help calm my nerves down and he told me how he saw cop cars earlier in the morning near my place. Sooo... I think there was earlier problems and it somehow escalated towards today's event. I'm freaked out still, but wtf? I just hope I helped out as much as I could. I keep thinking, should I have gone outside to see what was going on? If there was a person out there, was I to act as a hero? All that ran into my head, but first thing I knew I had to do was call the authorities.
What a day. I still don't know how everything has turned out, but I hope everyone or anyone harmed is doing okay.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Good as Gold
Now that things have settled and I'm trying to get myself in motion again... I'm recalling moments from my San Francisco trip and seeing how obscure my own self-perception can be. That can be attributed to being confined to my own thoughts and having no one to converse with for long periods of time
If I haven't mentioned already in previous entries, I went to San Francisco for a wedding, which I was a groomsmen in. My friend Randy, another groomsmen, and I decided to make the most out of the wedding and decided to arrive a few days early and do the whole sight seeing thing.
During our stay, we had a candid one-on-one conversation in our rental car, searching for a decent restaurant to relieve our hangover. He was talking about how he doesn't really enjoy being a third-wheel with one of our friends, even though they're fun to hangout with, and he also expressed how annoying it can be when all he hears is "yah man... make us proud, make sure you come back to the hotel with someone after the wedding".
I hear him. I get it, but he also puts himself in that position by joking and responding back in that demeanor. I saw that it was sort of turning into a pity party and so I wanted to point out certain things about it or about him. I told him how it's weird how he perceives me and what the image he projects onto me, because I felt quite the opposite. I told him that, maybe I'm fit, maybe I'm skinnier than what I use to be, but my insecurities and self-doubt are outstanding. I explained to him he has such a great personality. How he's able to bounce around and get into any conversation. I told him how, if I had an ounce of his social demeanor, that I would be gold. Then he, in turn, gave me his opinions on myself. He told me how my quietness or shyness in large groups is a good thing. He told me I shouldn't change a thing and that the real thing about me is that... When I do allow people (girls) to get to know me in a one-on-one setting, that it's like finding a treasure. He then admitted that he know's his fault and that basically it's himself that puts up walls.
So... I thought about it. We all do. More than anything, it's ourselves that limit our potential. We might say or give ourselves affirmation, but we still hold onto a piece of thought that "we aren't good enough". It's the breaking of that wall that I, we, need to do.
It's weird that I'm thinking about that situation now. The SF trip was nearly two weeks ago, but like I said... with the dust settling and finally getting myself into a routine/schedule of my pace... I'm able to reflect kindly and take more meaning from the event than when I was actually in it.
Here's to good friends. I hope my friend Randy realizes that he's as much "gold" as he thinks I am and vise versa.
If I haven't mentioned already in previous entries, I went to San Francisco for a wedding, which I was a groomsmen in. My friend Randy, another groomsmen, and I decided to make the most out of the wedding and decided to arrive a few days early and do the whole sight seeing thing.
During our stay, we had a candid one-on-one conversation in our rental car, searching for a decent restaurant to relieve our hangover. He was talking about how he doesn't really enjoy being a third-wheel with one of our friends, even though they're fun to hangout with, and he also expressed how annoying it can be when all he hears is "yah man... make us proud, make sure you come back to the hotel with someone after the wedding".
I hear him. I get it, but he also puts himself in that position by joking and responding back in that demeanor. I saw that it was sort of turning into a pity party and so I wanted to point out certain things about it or about him. I told him how it's weird how he perceives me and what the image he projects onto me, because I felt quite the opposite. I told him that, maybe I'm fit, maybe I'm skinnier than what I use to be, but my insecurities and self-doubt are outstanding. I explained to him he has such a great personality. How he's able to bounce around and get into any conversation. I told him how, if I had an ounce of his social demeanor, that I would be gold. Then he, in turn, gave me his opinions on myself. He told me how my quietness or shyness in large groups is a good thing. He told me I shouldn't change a thing and that the real thing about me is that... When I do allow people (girls) to get to know me in a one-on-one setting, that it's like finding a treasure. He then admitted that he know's his fault and that basically it's himself that puts up walls.
So... I thought about it. We all do. More than anything, it's ourselves that limit our potential. We might say or give ourselves affirmation, but we still hold onto a piece of thought that "we aren't good enough". It's the breaking of that wall that I, we, need to do.
It's weird that I'm thinking about that situation now. The SF trip was nearly two weeks ago, but like I said... with the dust settling and finally getting myself into a routine/schedule of my pace... I'm able to reflect kindly and take more meaning from the event than when I was actually in it.
Here's to good friends. I hope my friend Randy realizes that he's as much "gold" as he thinks I am and vise versa.
Today's Update
I thought I had a good start on the day, but it's gradually going to sh*ts man unless I proactively do something about it. That's where this writing comes into play. After trying to balance my unhealthy eating (as always) with decent and clean food (salads, non-fried, and non-fast foods), I had a late night 2-hour workout in the garage, where it created a 90 degree sauna on top of everything. It was a great workout and a much needed sweat. However, I semi-sabotaged the workout by eating some unhealthy things before going to bed.
Upon waking up this morning, I thought I'd declare a "fruit" day where I end up eating fruits (strawberries, applies, and oranges) throughout the day until dinner. That lasted up until.... hmmmm, lets say 11 am. I ended up cooking eggs, turkey bacon, and rice noodles. Shortly after that, I ended up indulging in "lunch" by having left over salad and a home cooked filipino dish. Then all went to sh*ts as I was trying to work out my magic or my differences on this pro-bono (meaning... non-paid) web design. I don't know what I got myself into. I offered someone, who is in this running social network I'm in, my design ideas. However, it ended up turning into "can you produce my website". In which I can't say no, but at the same time... I can't really do anything to her website, because she has it being published under a certain blog/content system (think wordpress, blogger, joomla). She gave me login and password access, but this is only to edit articles and change some minor layouts here and there. I don't really want to do all the work for something I don't feel passionate about.... so that's when my eating habits went to sh*t. While working out my differences with the website, I opted or looked for distractions. I reached for the small-sized snicker candy bars, the tub of vanilla ice cream, and luckily that's the extent of the damage so far. I'm due for a caffeine fix in half an hour and I hope I stay on course with a long workout. I need to sweat out my deamons. Maybe focus on small cardio and extended breathing, stretching, and meditating exercises tonight... oh and all in my garage like sauna. Did I say how unbearable the hot weather is over here? But... I'll look at it as therapeautic. When you're in the heat, in a rut, in the sh*ts (sorry I keep using that word, but it's lodged in my head at the moment)... once you step inside the house, you appreciate it even more.
Okay... End Of Rant!
Upon waking up this morning, I thought I'd declare a "fruit" day where I end up eating fruits (strawberries, applies, and oranges) throughout the day until dinner. That lasted up until.... hmmmm, lets say 11 am. I ended up cooking eggs, turkey bacon, and rice noodles. Shortly after that, I ended up indulging in "lunch" by having left over salad and a home cooked filipino dish. Then all went to sh*ts as I was trying to work out my magic or my differences on this pro-bono (meaning... non-paid) web design. I don't know what I got myself into. I offered someone, who is in this running social network I'm in, my design ideas. However, it ended up turning into "can you produce my website". In which I can't say no, but at the same time... I can't really do anything to her website, because she has it being published under a certain blog/content system (think wordpress, blogger, joomla). She gave me login and password access, but this is only to edit articles and change some minor layouts here and there. I don't really want to do all the work for something I don't feel passionate about.... so that's when my eating habits went to sh*t. While working out my differences with the website, I opted or looked for distractions. I reached for the small-sized snicker candy bars, the tub of vanilla ice cream, and luckily that's the extent of the damage so far. I'm due for a caffeine fix in half an hour and I hope I stay on course with a long workout. I need to sweat out my deamons. Maybe focus on small cardio and extended breathing, stretching, and meditating exercises tonight... oh and all in my garage like sauna. Did I say how unbearable the hot weather is over here? But... I'll look at it as therapeautic. When you're in the heat, in a rut, in the sh*ts (sorry I keep using that word, but it's lodged in my head at the moment)... once you step inside the house, you appreciate it even more.
Okay... End Of Rant!
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