Good as Gold

Now that things have settled and I'm trying to get myself in motion again... I'm recalling moments from my San Francisco trip and seeing how obscure my own self-perception can be. That can be attributed to being confined to my own thoughts and having no one to converse with for long periods of time

If I haven't mentioned already in previous entries, I went to San Francisco for a wedding, which I was a groomsmen in. My friend Randy, another groomsmen, and I decided to make the most out of the wedding and decided to arrive a few days early and do the whole sight seeing thing.

During our stay, we had a candid one-on-one conversation in our rental car, searching for a decent restaurant to relieve our hangover. He was talking about how he doesn't really enjoy being a third-wheel with one of our friends, even though they're fun to hangout with, and he also expressed how annoying it can be when all he hears is "yah man... make us proud, make sure you come back to the hotel with someone after the wedding".

I hear him. I get it, but he also puts himself in that position by joking and responding back in that demeanor. I saw that it was sort of turning into a pity party and so I wanted to point out certain things about it or about him. I told him how it's weird how he perceives me and what the image he projects onto me, because I felt quite the opposite. I told him that, maybe I'm fit, maybe I'm skinnier than what I use to be, but my insecurities and self-doubt are outstanding. I explained to him he has such a great personality. How he's able to bounce around and get into any conversation. I told him how, if I had an ounce of his social demeanor, that I would be gold. Then he, in turn, gave me his opinions on myself. He told me how my quietness or shyness in large groups is a good thing. He told me I shouldn't change a thing and that the real thing about me is that... When I do allow people (girls) to get to know me in a one-on-one setting, that it's like finding a treasure. He then admitted that he know's his fault and that basically it's himself that puts up walls.

So... I thought about it. We all do. More than anything, it's ourselves that limit our potential. We might say or give ourselves affirmation, but we still hold onto a piece of thought that "we aren't good enough". It's the breaking of that wall that I, we, need to do.

It's weird that I'm thinking about that situation now. The SF trip was nearly two weeks ago, but like I said... with the dust settling and finally getting myself into a routine/schedule of my pace... I'm able to reflect kindly and take more meaning from the event than when I was actually in it.

Here's to good friends. I hope my friend Randy realizes that he's as much "gold" as he thinks I am and vise versa.