Work, A Girl, and Snowboarding

I knocked out last night shortly after pigging out on some food. I just remember waking up 40 minutes ago on the couch with my dog curled up in my arms. Yesterday was one of those mind-draining days where it, unfortunately, leaves me un-enthusiastic to come into work. My coworker's over-enthusiasm about certain things comes off really fake to me and makes me exert energy to try to even keep up.

It's annoying and I don't know how long I can last and be myself at the same time. I'm expected to propose a few things with our new UX Director on what I want to do at work, what I expect, what our team can provide and lead with. It's just ultimately draining when I can't do simple things, because my energy is being wasted by my coworkers draining it away.

On another note, my previous entry involving a "girl" has came to an end. Out of that experience, the main thing I'm a little upset about (and it's still lingering) is the fact that I let myself get caught up in that situation. Knowing the circumstances, knowing her situation, and assuming it would lead us both to no where... I still allowed myself to get caught up in the situation. People do it all the time and this time I experienced it. I think the fact that someone showed interest in me and that I had a mutual interest in this person excited me. Even with the drama it could of attached, I was definitely intrigued by her. However, I should of known from our "txtings" that got boring and our phone conversations that stalled... that there really wasn't any chemistry.

She suggested that if I'm in town that we should hangout. Last week, I was actually in town, and I made an attempt to make plans. Whether she believed that I was in town or not, or maybe she started dating someone else prior to me arriving, or maybe her current "drama" was the reason... I didn't want to be that guy who played the "chase" part. After txting her twice just asking her what's up and being met with no response, I clipped the situation. I never txted her back and I never received a response as well. So maybe it doesn't sit with me well, because it feels like she got the last word in, but oh well. Why am I even allowing myself to feel this way and over something like this?

I haven't snowboarded in over a year and I thought I would take this opportunity that just came up. I'm heading to Mammoth this weekend and will get two days worth of snowboarding. Mother Nature, Sunshine, and decent snow. I really need this. Being in tune with myself helps me resolve any issues I have with myself :)

The Quirks of Trying to Get to Know Someone

This entry isn't specifically social anxiety or panic attack focused, however those things still affect me. Even though I'm still affected by SA, it's not so much of a focus for me as it has been in the past. It's more of a workable situation for me rather than debilitating "thing" for me.

As the title of this entry is called "The Quirks of Trying to Get to Know Someone"... It involves myself in a light I haven't been in awhile. I wrote about the initial situation in my previous entry and the whole situation has went from Hot, Warm, Cold and back to Luke Warm. I know this person's head isn't where she wants it to be. I'm also not the type to keep at it or chase. I give as much freedom and I keep posted as I feel I should. I good night here and there and if the person feels like chatting, then I'm there.

There have been situations with curious flirting involved. Talks about meeting up next time I'm in town  and just hanging out.  I think, because I joke around too much, that she doesn't believe me or has a hard time believing me that I'm actually in town.

I'm not really hard pressed about hanging out, but... I am a bit dejected in a sense. I feel as if I did put myself out there a bit to get to know this person. I have no idea what's happening on her side of the wall, but.... I don't know. I can only assume and I tend to overanalyze things and that's my problem. I told her last night I'd hit her up and see what her plans are like. I've texted her two times today, which was met with no response. I'm assuming the worse or interpreting things as "okay... things are cool, I'll just clip this situation".

I plan to make one last attempt to just say, "hey if your free and want to hangout.. maybe we can catch a movie, if not... cool. I'll catch you some other time" but basically... some other time means.... never.

I don't like getting myself or putting myself out there and having this type of situation. I know there's a lot of other things involved in this "situation" but, yah... I'll probably meet up with another friend tonight and just vent out about this situation. Hehehe... I don't know what I'm doing and as exciting this ride has been, I also don't like how much I anticipate things.

Next time...

interest(ed)

This doesn't happen often, or maybe I don't have my eyes and ears open as often. A few weeks ago, during Christmas, when I visited my friend and had that panic-sweat-outburst... I seem to have made an impression on one of the ladies in the crowd. I received a message from her a few days later and we've been texting each other ever since.

Now, there's a few complications that stand in the way, but besides that... I'm starting to recall those feelings of when you have a "crush". The feelings you get when... you start to question your every move, response, reaction towards the other person. You think about, did i message too early, did I say too much, am I being to dull?

Then, with social media (Facebook, twitter, etc), you get a glimpse of the person's thoughts. So, then you start to assume things like... "ohhh she's definitely not over that person, but she's trying to get to know me... but what can really happen between us?

I'm getting all these thoughts and all these feelings. I'm getting all these quick reactions and judgements. I'm starting to question myself on certain things, then... i sit and think about it. Oh yah, there's those other  complicated factors that's not even into play, yet I'm here on the other end wondering if our banter will escalate into an actual voice-phone conversation and eventually person to person hangout.

I don't know... Now I remember why I stressed so much in college, but also felt alive. :)