Trying to End on a Positive Note

If I look back at the start of this week, I must have been slowly tapering off from a previous strong week. Where do I begin? I need to start somewhere, because all this over consumption, eating, carb loading, and inactivity has been a result of my "avoidance" of doing things. I know myself. I've done this before and I remember writing about this type of situation last time. I remember this happening after my San Francisco Trip. My thoughts went to the gutter, I was somewhat in a depressed state, physically inactive and constantly over-eating. From summer-time till late early winter, I nearly put on 15 pounds. I've lost those ten pounds, but I'm stuck.

Emotions & Relationships
As mentioned in my last two writings… I've been "wylin'" about this girl. I'm not sure why, because it's not like me, but I got caught up in the situation. It reminds me that I'm human and that I have feelings, emotions, and a heart as well. I acknowledged how I felt. I accept the feelings I felt and I've been able to move forward. I'm not saying I wasn't hurt at all (because it did sting), but I was able to deal.

After a whole week of going through the motions. Feeling upset with myself for allowing myself to get caught up, I was looking forward to this weekend getaway. Some snowboarding in the mountains would do me some good. However, there's always a catch. A week later after feeling that I got "put-on"… I get a text from this girl. If I'm honest with my emotions… I was happy. Not happy as in "yay, she's still thinking about me". But happy in a sense of… "okay, now I have some resolve and last say in this". I didn't bother to reply back. I was done with the situation. She texted again later in the day, while I was on the road. I brushed it off. Nothing against her, but it was just something I needed to do. It wasn't until I arrived at Mammoth (Snow Resort) and had dinner with my buddies that I saw a missed call from my phone. Long story short, I had the door closed, but not locked. I allowed myself to get caught up again. After getting that feeling of being "put-on" again, I had to ask the obvious. I ended up asking her, "What happened the other week?" I told her that her "phone" just being activated as an excuse seemed weird to me, but I let her know that everything between her and I were cool and that I would see her around sometime. That was basically me saying my piece/peace in a nice way.

She did respond back and I got my resolve from it. I continued the past week without contacting her. I let things fade. However, my body was still trying to recover from that weekend. I wasn't getting enough sleep. My eating habit shifted. I was skipping breakfast and I'd be craving sugar during the work day. I gave in during the last day of the work week and I indulged in cookies, too much coffee, and this weekend was just horrible. One Chocolate peanut butter sandwich after another, tortilla lime chips and salsa. All things carbs, followed with coffee and creamer. I kept telling myself I'd run it off, but I never could get myself in the mood. I felt cramped and annoyed. I was able to go walk my dog today and I feel much better now that I've cleaned up my room and that I'm writing things out.

Well, I felt okay Friday and I ended up texting the said girl mentioned. I just txt'd her about something she posted on Facebook. Small talk, just showing everything's cool. It was innocent, nothing flirtatious, but I know that I cracked open the door again. I allowed myself to keep looking at her Facebook page trying to figure out her "status" updates. Now that I'm admitting this, I'm allowing myself to move onwards.

What am I trying to convey in this writing? I'm not sure, but as I've mentioned before… I'm an emotional eater. With these emotions not being dealt with the right way, they tend to creep up with my eating habits. Clearly, this weekend was horrible. Maybe I wasn't in an emotional mess, I sure acted out in a very destructible way.

It's good to realize my faults and weaknesses. It allows me to move on. I have tomorrow to workout, clean-up my eating habits, and genuinely breathe new life into my work week. It's time to let this slip-up go, and time to buckle down and get things going again.

Feeling good at the moment...