5 Minute Freewriting #14

I've been a busy person today. Not so much physically, but mentally I've been busy. I've been reading all day. I found a blog via my blog list. The blog is of a therapist who writes his experiences as a therapist. He doesn't' actually spill the beans on his clients, but he brings up certain cases and makes you think about how we think, process, feel, and react to certain situations in our past, present, and pending future.

I'm very intrigued and I actually started from the beginning of his blog site (2006) and I'm now in his year 2007 entries. I've enjoyed the insights so far.

I've also been writing a lot, especially earlier today I wrote about my recent phone call exposure to a potential client who asked if I was interested in doing some art production work.  I also ended up typing this rant that dealt with my childhood or how I was raised.

Certain things started to click, unliock, or get revisited. It deals with how I was raised through my mom's word. I kind of go into detail on how she's not a bad mother and that im fortunate, but it's interesting how a lot of the things she said when I was younger kind of result in how I am now with my SA. It kind of deals with ... how I got good grades in school, yet she joked around saying "why I can't I do better"... or how I'm always questioned why I don't have a girlfriend... then at the same time, when she witnesses a girl showing interest...

**end of 5 minutes**

... she will comment and say.. Wow.. she was looking at you the whole night, but what does she actually see in you? or... if I were to get a haircut and would like to dress nice and look proper.. She'd joke around say, why are you bothering with that, it's not like you're going to attract any girls.

So it's stuff like that that seem to shine vividly and, yeah.. it does bring in new or different light and shade to my SA situation...

Well Other than that.. I feel really productive. I felt I got a lot done or I've learned a lot today. I don't think I've mentioned this but I am making a one day trek to Las Vegas tomorrow. This was sort of unexpected. I was suppose to hangout with my best friend and catch this boxing match on HBO.  I followed up to see what the plans were earlier this week, and next thing I know.. he was able to get the last remaining 3 tickets that weren't priced over $100... and so we're going to Vegas for one night and coming back the following day. To be young again. I have no anticipatory anxiety or anxities in general about this at all. I think  a lot of it has to do with my comfort level with my best friend and his brother. He's the only individual where I pushed myself and made myself work through my thoughts to attend his sister's engagement party and wedding. I also ended up having a good time at those events and I think that's why I'm comfortable with being a bit spontaneous when it's something planned with him and his brother. Okay... that's it for tonight... I'm going to do more reading and then hit the bed.